Summary: When good vacations go bad, it's easy to get caught up in the natural disappointment you feel. But how do you recover? Rather than returning home feeling like you need a vacation from your vacation, read the 4 steps below that help you STOP and assess your situation to change your attitude.
Last Monday, I wrote about the history and meaning of the word sabbatical. I also shared how my own self-imposed writing sabbatical went awry. And I asked you to share your stories about vacations that took a wrong turn—and how you coped with the unexpected change in plans.
Here are some of the stories I received:
• Delia said she was in the midst of a bad vacation, herself. She, her husband, and their toddler had taken a two-week trip to Boston—only to be ambushed by the flu. Instead of sight-seeing, they were holed up in their hotel room for days on end, coping with their colds.
• Christine recalled a vaca to Glacier National Park where "one walloping argument ... kind of ruined a lovely place."
• Melissa and Kim said they'd also experienced fighting on supposedly romantic getaways, though they preferred not to share the details. Meanwhile, Lee Ann said she'd never had a romantic getaway with her husband! I wonder which is more emotionally upsetting?
• Mark, who is a seminary student, didn't share any vacation stories, but did say he appreciates the word choice of sabbatical—and that he'll be appreciating it even more in the years to come!
As for their emotional responses to these experiences, Delia's outlook was the most optimistic: She shared that, despite their disappointment, they were, "staying positive and united as a family." It's much more difficult to be positive all on your own, as was likely the case with the others when arguments got in the way of good expectations. Christine said she and her husband, "had spent way too much time with just the two of us at that point" when they fought on their trip.
What's the recipe for finding your happy place when you're away from home? Here are some steps that may help you STOP and reassess your situation:
1. STOP - The second you notice yourself getting worked up and upset (whether it's because you notice yourself picking a fight with others around you or because you have an emotional response like wanting to cry), stop whatever you're doing that instant. Even if you're in public, it's okay to walk away for a moment.
2. TAKE A MOMENT - Taking a moment for yourself is imperative to moving forward with peace when emotions are beginning to overwhelm you.
3. OBSERVE YOURSELF - In order to step out of yourself to objectively observe, ask yourself, "What am I feeling physically?" and "What am I feeling emotionally?" as well as "What are my thoughts?" (Read more in these two posts about methods by Abraham Low and Byron Katie.)
4. PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK - It's important to congratulate yourself for keeping your composure. This is where affirmations come in very handy. (I've written a lot on the subject of affirmations in this blog, so I encourage you to search the phrase and check out these many posts, in addition to clicking this link.) With a healthier frame of mind, you can usually rescue your day, if not your entire trip, and find the funny side of the situation.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Jan 10, 2011
Jan 3, 2011
WORD OF THE WEEK: Sabbatical
Summary: What happens when your vacation is ruined? What's the worst bad vacation story you have—and how did you react to it? Through studying this week's word, sabbatical, we can swap bad vacation stories and share tools to get through life's such surprising circumstances.
Sabbatical (suh - BA - teh - CUHL) - As a noun, it means a break or a change in normal routine, especially from work. As an adjective, it describes the time period of the break (or the break itself): "sabbatical year"; "sabbatical trip." Professors and clergy are typically given this time off every set number of years. From the Hebrew word shabath, for rest, this word strolled its way through Latin and Greek to finally enter English in 1880 when Harvard granted the first Sabbatical to its professors to be instituted every seven years. Interestingly, shabath is also the antecedent to the word Sabbath, which helped to derive our Saturday—along with some other religious-based words, like Saturn.
Last week was my personal sabbatical. I took a week off from blogging (and from all other work, as life would have it)—initially to focus on writing a book I'm co-authoring with Susan J. Moreno of MAAP Services and Marci Wheeler of the Indiana Resource Center for Autism. The book, which will focus on marriages where one partner has Asperger Syndrome, is due out later this year. I call rest periods like this my "writing sabbaticals."
But seasonal depression and legitimate grief clouded my creativity last week, as a family member went in the hospital—thankfully to recover and be sent home this week—and a friend passed away. I was glad to have the break on my calendar, so that I could tend to my own needs and feel my emotions, rather than push them aside to tend to other matters and only have them explode on me later when suppression inevitably doesn't work anymore.
Has that ever happened to you? You plan a vacation or a little break, and you look forward to it with gusto. But things just don't go as planned. Life circumstances change the reality of your expectations. How do you handle it? Do you pout and simper and throw yourself a pity party, sharing your blues with everyone you meet? Do you suffer in silence, acting stoic (but secretly taking your disappointment out on those closest to you)? Or are you one of those who springs into action, scouring the internet and the self-help bookshelves for anything that can serve as a tool? I admit I've fallen into each category at some point in my life. This time, I yo-yoed between wallowing alone and using the tools I already know. Compared to the past, this time I was flexible.
What tools do you already know that can help you roll with life's unplanned punches? This week, I'm asking you to share your story. I'll compile some answers and put them together for all of us to learn from later this week.
Here's to a healthy and positive 2011. Let's start it off right: Speak your truth and share your story or stories now. (And check out a few "bad vacation" tales at Bored.com to get a preview.)
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Sabbatical (suh - BA - teh - CUHL) - As a noun, it means a break or a change in normal routine, especially from work. As an adjective, it describes the time period of the break (or the break itself): "sabbatical year"; "sabbatical trip." Professors and clergy are typically given this time off every set number of years. From the Hebrew word shabath, for rest, this word strolled its way through Latin and Greek to finally enter English in 1880 when Harvard granted the first Sabbatical to its professors to be instituted every seven years. Interestingly, shabath is also the antecedent to the word Sabbath, which helped to derive our Saturday—along with some other religious-based words, like Saturn.
Last week was my personal sabbatical. I took a week off from blogging (and from all other work, as life would have it)—initially to focus on writing a book I'm co-authoring with Susan J. Moreno of MAAP Services and Marci Wheeler of the Indiana Resource Center for Autism. The book, which will focus on marriages where one partner has Asperger Syndrome, is due out later this year. I call rest periods like this my "writing sabbaticals."
But seasonal depression and legitimate grief clouded my creativity last week, as a family member went in the hospital—thankfully to recover and be sent home this week—and a friend passed away. I was glad to have the break on my calendar, so that I could tend to my own needs and feel my emotions, rather than push them aside to tend to other matters and only have them explode on me later when suppression inevitably doesn't work anymore.
Has that ever happened to you? You plan a vacation or a little break, and you look forward to it with gusto. But things just don't go as planned. Life circumstances change the reality of your expectations. How do you handle it? Do you pout and simper and throw yourself a pity party, sharing your blues with everyone you meet? Do you suffer in silence, acting stoic (but secretly taking your disappointment out on those closest to you)? Or are you one of those who springs into action, scouring the internet and the self-help bookshelves for anything that can serve as a tool? I admit I've fallen into each category at some point in my life. This time, I yo-yoed between wallowing alone and using the tools I already know. Compared to the past, this time I was flexible.
What tools do you already know that can help you roll with life's unplanned punches? This week, I'm asking you to share your story. I'll compile some answers and put them together for all of us to learn from later this week.
Here's to a healthy and positive 2011. Let's start it off right: Speak your truth and share your story or stories now. (And check out a few "bad vacation" tales at Bored.com to get a preview.)
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Jun 2, 2010
I Can't Talk When I'm Emotional!
Summary: If you "can't talk" (or have a hard time communicating the way you want to) when you're emotional, check out the links below to start improving those skills today.
If the title to this post applies to you, you've come to the right blog. Beyond Talk specializes in cutting through the clutter of exaggerated emotions, so that you can say what you really mean instead of sputtering out nonsense or simply shutting down.
I'm in the process of putting together a series of guest posts around this subject. (Contact me if you're interested in guest blogging.) For now, here is a list of links that you can turn to:
- Speak-Your-Truth.com - The e-workbook sold at this site provides more than a dozen exercises designed specifically to help you recognize when and where emotions start in you, personally, as well as ways you can change your brain chemistry to speak clearly while emotional.
- Emotional Intelligence Central - Full of information on emotional intelligence, sometimes called EQ, this site reminds readers right on the home page that "Strong relationships are based on emotional intelligence."
- HelpGuide.org - This non-profit site reviews emotional health from a variety of perspectives, including for those with challenged brains.
- Pathway to Happiness - Reclaim your brain by understanding your emotions here!
The latest poll here--which just closed--shows that the majority of you readers and responders agree that it's hard for you to communicate clearly when your emotions overwhelm you. (Interestingly enough, the second largest group of Beyond Talk readers say, "I am an excellent communicator!") Where do you rank?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
If the title to this post applies to you, you've come to the right blog. Beyond Talk specializes in cutting through the clutter of exaggerated emotions, so that you can say what you really mean instead of sputtering out nonsense or simply shutting down.
I'm in the process of putting together a series of guest posts around this subject. (Contact me if you're interested in guest blogging.) For now, here is a list of links that you can turn to:
- Speak-Your-Truth.com - The e-workbook sold at this site provides more than a dozen exercises designed specifically to help you recognize when and where emotions start in you, personally, as well as ways you can change your brain chemistry to speak clearly while emotional.
- Emotional Intelligence Central - Full of information on emotional intelligence, sometimes called EQ, this site reminds readers right on the home page that "Strong relationships are based on emotional intelligence."
- HelpGuide.org - This non-profit site reviews emotional health from a variety of perspectives, including for those with challenged brains.
- Pathway to Happiness - Reclaim your brain by understanding your emotions here!
The latest poll here--which just closed--shows that the majority of you readers and responders agree that it's hard for you to communicate clearly when your emotions overwhelm you. (Interestingly enough, the second largest group of Beyond Talk readers say, "I am an excellent communicator!") Where do you rank?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Apr 26, 2010
WORD OF THE WEEK: Vigilant
Summary: Every week, this blog shares background and definition info. on one word or set of related words in an effort to help YOU improve your vocabulary and speak your truth more clearly and concisely. Today, we take a look at a brave little word: vigilant.
In the 1400s, European clans were constantly under the threat of attack. Their primitive brains (evolution-wise) put the fight-or-flight mechanism to good use, often choosing to stand ground and fight with warrior mentalities.
No matter the size of the clan, it was common practice in such times for at least one watchman to stand guard, keeping vigil over the area night and day in an effort to stave off--or at least spot in advance--any attempted attacks from rival clans. And this is how we came to know the word vigilant.
Vigilare, the Latin for "to keep watch" or "to stay awake," has mutated into the English adjective
vigilant (VIH - jehl - ENT), which now means "alertly watchful, especially to avoid danger."
We must be vigilant against fear, ever on the lookout for those bodily sensations that remind us that we have fears, if we want to speak clearly at all times. Vigilantly searching your own body for feelings can help you be honest with yourself and with your world, regardless of the emotions that try to hold you back. Speak your truth--with vigilance--today.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
In the 1400s, European clans were constantly under the threat of attack. Their primitive brains (evolution-wise) put the fight-or-flight mechanism to good use, often choosing to stand ground and fight with warrior mentalities.
No matter the size of the clan, it was common practice in such times for at least one watchman to stand guard, keeping vigil over the area night and day in an effort to stave off--or at least spot in advance--any attempted attacks from rival clans. And this is how we came to know the word vigilant.
Vigilare, the Latin for "to keep watch" or "to stay awake," has mutated into the English adjective
vigilant (VIH - jehl - ENT), which now means "alertly watchful, especially to avoid danger."
We must be vigilant against fear, ever on the lookout for those bodily sensations that remind us that we have fears, if we want to speak clearly at all times. Vigilantly searching your own body for feelings can help you be honest with yourself and with your world, regardless of the emotions that try to hold you back. Speak your truth--with vigilance--today.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Apr 7, 2010
Fear is Pernicious! Put it in its Place
Summary: Building off of this week's vocabulary word, pernicious, we take a look at the emotion you voted as top on your list in blocking your ability to speak clearly. Today's post kicks off a series on fear and how to overcome it.
Fear is pernicious. It can stop you from doing the things you love and can keep you from moving forward. RyanS recently wrote to say that fear often keeps him from growing in romantic relationships. How does fear hold you back?
In Beyond Talk's poll, "What Stops You From Speaking Your Truth?" you rated fear as the number one emotion that holds you back from saying what you mean. (Sadness was number two, followed by anger, excitement and "other.") And how can you get what you want out of life if you can't really speak your own personal truth? How can you go for your dreams if you can't be honest with yourself about what they are?
Here are some ways to recognize your fears, so they don't turn into phobias:
(1) Know what fear feels like. All emotions manifest themselves physically, so pay attention to what your body feels like when you realize you're afraid. Most people experience some combination of shallow breathing, rapid heart rhythm and a tightening in the stomach. A numbness in the extremities, especially the hands, is also common.
(2) Note what's causing the physical fear. Often, it's easier to recognize the physical sensations of your emotions than it is to name their underlying purpose. But give it a try—even if it's scary. Think about where you are when such feelings arise; then note who is around you (they may be related to the fearfulness) and, if possible, why you think the frightening feelings have stricken you.
(3) Keep practicing. The more frequently you do steps 1 and 2 above, the easier it will eventually become to recognize fear right as it's starting. When you have the ability to know your fear as (or before!) it arises, you are empowered to stop it in its tracks.
We'll look more deeply into some of the root causes of fear, how it affects our lives (both for better and for worse) and how we can change it as our series continues. What does fear do to YOU?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Fear is pernicious. It can stop you from doing the things you love and can keep you from moving forward. RyanS recently wrote to say that fear often keeps him from growing in romantic relationships. How does fear hold you back?
In Beyond Talk's poll, "What Stops You From Speaking Your Truth?" you rated fear as the number one emotion that holds you back from saying what you mean. (Sadness was number two, followed by anger, excitement and "other.") And how can you get what you want out of life if you can't really speak your own personal truth? How can you go for your dreams if you can't be honest with yourself about what they are?
Here are some ways to recognize your fears, so they don't turn into phobias:
(1) Know what fear feels like. All emotions manifest themselves physically, so pay attention to what your body feels like when you realize you're afraid. Most people experience some combination of shallow breathing, rapid heart rhythm and a tightening in the stomach. A numbness in the extremities, especially the hands, is also common.
(2) Note what's causing the physical fear. Often, it's easier to recognize the physical sensations of your emotions than it is to name their underlying purpose. But give it a try—even if it's scary. Think about where you are when such feelings arise; then note who is around you (they may be related to the fearfulness) and, if possible, why you think the frightening feelings have stricken you.
(3) Keep practicing. The more frequently you do steps 1 and 2 above, the easier it will eventually become to recognize fear right as it's starting. When you have the ability to know your fear as (or before!) it arises, you are empowered to stop it in its tracks.
We'll look more deeply into some of the root causes of fear, how it affects our lives (both for better and for worse) and how we can change it as our series continues. What does fear do to YOU?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Feb 19, 2010
WEEKLY UPDATE: My Own Affirmation
Summary: Today's post gives you a peek into my personal inner workings as I share with you the story of how I created my own affirmation sentence, and exactly what that sentence is that helps me through my days. You can do it, too!
Each Friday's blog post is titled "Weekly Update." It's where I lift the curtain to give you a peek behind the scenes at Beyond Talk and KiKi Productions, Inc. Communications. Today, I want to show you a little secret something from inside of me.
Since we've been talking about affirmations (or rather, I've been writing and you've been reading about them), I think it's only fair that I let you in on my own personal affirmation—as well as how I followed the process I've been outlining for you to create my affirmation sentence. It works for me. But only when I choose to use it, of course.
I admitted in Wednesday's post that I have perfectionist tendencies. This can be a blessing. But there are certainly times when it's a curse, too. Mostly, it's a curse when it upsets me, mentally or emotionally.
Some months ago, I was slated to give a speech presentation that I had not rehearsed well. I had certain key points I wanted to share in the speech, and I'd put those on index cards. But I'd decided that the rest of the content (due to time constraints in preparation) was just going to have to be "organic." In other words, I would think it up as I went along! I knew my audience's needs, even if I didn't know my audience members personally. However, as I was driving to the venue, I felt a wave of nausea and panic overtake me. This was greater than the usual "butterflies" I get in my stomach before a big event. I quickly assessed the situation:
(1) I feel nausea, a racing heartbeat, and shortness of breath in my body.
(2) Emotionally, I'm very fearful—to the point of panic.
(3) My thoughts are telling me to turn the car around and run! I think I can't do this, because I'm unprepared and I'm going to fail.
(4) These thoughts DO NOT make me want to expand and grow!
(5) If someone else spoke to me this way, I'd feel insulted and undermined. (I guess that means I'm doubting myself.)
(6) I'd prefer to hear words of support that take into account the possibility of human errors (because how do I know for sure that I won't make one or two mistakes as I wing this event?)
For the rest of the trip, I chanted in my head, "I am a competent human, and I learn from my human mistakes." This affirmation gives me permission to "fail" without the belief that any failure on my part is permanent and fatal. The word "competent" reminds me that I really do have strengths, even in times of doubt. Better, it helps me draw upon those strengths when I doubt myself.
For months now, every time I have felt that same bodily sensation of fear and panic in a wave of nausea, I've easily recognized it for what it is: self-doubt. And my affirmation, said as many times as needed, dispels it: "I am a competent human, and I learn from my human mistakes."
How about you?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Each Friday's blog post is titled "Weekly Update." It's where I lift the curtain to give you a peek behind the scenes at Beyond Talk and KiKi Productions, Inc. Communications. Today, I want to show you a little secret something from inside of me.
Since we've been talking about affirmations (or rather, I've been writing and you've been reading about them), I think it's only fair that I let you in on my own personal affirmation—as well as how I followed the process I've been outlining for you to create my affirmation sentence. It works for me. But only when I choose to use it, of course.
I admitted in Wednesday's post that I have perfectionist tendencies. This can be a blessing. But there are certainly times when it's a curse, too. Mostly, it's a curse when it upsets me, mentally or emotionally.
Some months ago, I was slated to give a speech presentation that I had not rehearsed well. I had certain key points I wanted to share in the speech, and I'd put those on index cards. But I'd decided that the rest of the content (due to time constraints in preparation) was just going to have to be "organic." In other words, I would think it up as I went along! I knew my audience's needs, even if I didn't know my audience members personally. However, as I was driving to the venue, I felt a wave of nausea and panic overtake me. This was greater than the usual "butterflies" I get in my stomach before a big event. I quickly assessed the situation:
(1) I feel nausea, a racing heartbeat, and shortness of breath in my body.
(2) Emotionally, I'm very fearful—to the point of panic.
(3) My thoughts are telling me to turn the car around and run! I think I can't do this, because I'm unprepared and I'm going to fail.
(4) These thoughts DO NOT make me want to expand and grow!
(5) If someone else spoke to me this way, I'd feel insulted and undermined. (I guess that means I'm doubting myself.)
(6) I'd prefer to hear words of support that take into account the possibility of human errors (because how do I know for sure that I won't make one or two mistakes as I wing this event?)
For the rest of the trip, I chanted in my head, "I am a competent human, and I learn from my human mistakes." This affirmation gives me permission to "fail" without the belief that any failure on my part is permanent and fatal. The word "competent" reminds me that I really do have strengths, even in times of doubt. Better, it helps me draw upon those strengths when I doubt myself.
For months now, every time I have felt that same bodily sensation of fear and panic in a wave of nausea, I've easily recognized it for what it is: self-doubt. And my affirmation, said as many times as needed, dispels it: "I am a competent human, and I learn from my human mistakes."
How about you?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Feb 12, 2010
WEEKLY UPDATE: Resolving Conflict with Eye Contact
Summary: When it comes to conflict resolution, when is eye contact helpful—and when is it hurtful? The answer is individual.
I recently received an e-mail message from Jon R. of Ohio who attended my communications workshop there last week. Part of the workshop focused on the 3 basic steps to conflict resolution. Jon writes in his message that the best way for him to resolve conflict is to "depersonalize" it using logic. And he points out, accurately, that the 3 steps I teach all specifically personalize what's going on.
Step one in conflict resolution is: Open your eyes! In other words, make eye contact.
It makes sense that some individuals—like Jon—find it helpful to cognitively process by detaching from the situation (and thus detaching from any excess emotions that may cloud their ability to make clear decisions and communicate well). However, making eye contact is imperative to showing respect to your 'opponent' in long-term conflict resolution. Read this e-article by Gail Seymour on How to Maintain Eye Contact. And don't forget to check out the related links with even more info. on the pros and cons of eye contact.
My 3 basic steps to conflict resolution start with this essential. I teach clients how to work through uncomfortable moments to go deeper into their feelings and come through them successfully. But the bottom line is, you should do what works best for you whenever you need to regain your composure and think—and speak—clearly.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
I recently received an e-mail message from Jon R. of Ohio who attended my communications workshop there last week. Part of the workshop focused on the 3 basic steps to conflict resolution. Jon writes in his message that the best way for him to resolve conflict is to "depersonalize" it using logic. And he points out, accurately, that the 3 steps I teach all specifically personalize what's going on.
Step one in conflict resolution is: Open your eyes! In other words, make eye contact.
It makes sense that some individuals—like Jon—find it helpful to cognitively process by detaching from the situation (and thus detaching from any excess emotions that may cloud their ability to make clear decisions and communicate well). However, making eye contact is imperative to showing respect to your 'opponent' in long-term conflict resolution. Read this e-article by Gail Seymour on How to Maintain Eye Contact. And don't forget to check out the related links with even more info. on the pros and cons of eye contact.
My 3 basic steps to conflict resolution start with this essential. I teach clients how to work through uncomfortable moments to go deeper into their feelings and come through them successfully. But the bottom line is, you should do what works best for you whenever you need to regain your composure and think—and speak—clearly.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Feb 8, 2010
WORD OF THE WEEK: Neuro-Typical
Summary: Is your brain neuro-typical? If so, you have what's considered to be 'normal' brain chemistry. But that doesn't mean you can always escape the brain challenges that come with emotional overload.
As a Communications Coach, I specialize in what I like to call "the challenged brain"—clients who may have ADD/ADHD, clinical depression or Seasonal Affective Disorder, even Asperger Syndrome, which is on the tip of the autism spectrum.
Challenged brains experience an inordinate amount of problems in communication. Because challenged brains don't produce a balanced amount of neurotransmitters (chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, epinephrine and others that specifically regulate emotion), people who have challenged brains are often flooded with emotions. And when that happens, the ability to make decisions—like what to say next that's appropriate to the situation—significantly diminishes.
But even people with neuro-typical brains experience moments of "brain challenge." This happens when an abundance of emotion floods the brain, and the neuro-typical person has a fight-or-flight response to what's in front of her or him.
You can probably figure it out from context, but just to be certain, here's the definition of neuro-typical (sometimes spelled without the hyphen):
Neuro-typical (NER - ro - TIP - i - kal) - (adj.) having neurological developments and states that are balanced, or 'normal' for the average human being. Often abbreviated as NT , the term was coined by the autism community to reference those not on the autism spectrum, likely beginning in the 1980s. It has since been adopted by other brain-centered communities and groups, especially throughout the United Kingdom. (Please note: This week's word pronunciation comes from HowJSay.com, and has two pronunciation keys—the first in standard U.K. English and the second in American English.)
For a little more insight into emotional overload and the challenges this causes a neuro-typical brain, click here to read this opinion piece by James Williams, a speaker and advocate for the autism community who, himself, has High Functioning Autism.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
As a Communications Coach, I specialize in what I like to call "the challenged brain"—clients who may have ADD/ADHD, clinical depression or Seasonal Affective Disorder, even Asperger Syndrome, which is on the tip of the autism spectrum.
Challenged brains experience an inordinate amount of problems in communication. Because challenged brains don't produce a balanced amount of neurotransmitters (chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, epinephrine and others that specifically regulate emotion), people who have challenged brains are often flooded with emotions. And when that happens, the ability to make decisions—like what to say next that's appropriate to the situation—significantly diminishes.
But even people with neuro-typical brains experience moments of "brain challenge." This happens when an abundance of emotion floods the brain, and the neuro-typical person has a fight-or-flight response to what's in front of her or him.
You can probably figure it out from context, but just to be certain, here's the definition of neuro-typical (sometimes spelled without the hyphen):
Neuro-typical (NER - ro - TIP - i - kal) - (adj.) having neurological developments and states that are balanced, or 'normal' for the average human being. Often abbreviated as NT , the term was coined by the autism community to reference those not on the autism spectrum, likely beginning in the 1980s. It has since been adopted by other brain-centered communities and groups, especially throughout the United Kingdom. (Please note: This week's word pronunciation comes from HowJSay.com, and has two pronunciation keys—the first in standard U.K. English and the second in American English.)
For a little more insight into emotional overload and the challenges this causes a neuro-typical brain, click here to read this opinion piece by James Williams, a speaker and advocate for the autism community who, himself, has High Functioning Autism.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Jan 20, 2010
TRULY SPEAKING: 4 Basic Types of Self-Talk
Summary: What happens in our bodies—and to the world around us—when we ignore or suppress our feelings is often quite unpleasant. When we short-circuit the process of acceptance, we don't do ourselves or anyone around us any favors. You can break down the way you're feeling into 4 basic categories to help yourself gain more self-awareness and eventual acceptance.
So, your co-worker got credit for the job you did again. Big deal. Happens all the time. At least you're still employed. ... Right?
Then why are you sighing and slamming the stapler? Why did you snap at your spouse and yell at your kids to "just shut up already!" yesterday—when you already knew this same old work scenario was about to play out today? Why did you wake up this morning with a tension headache, knowing you'd been grinding your teeth at night? If you've accepted this as "just the way things are," why isn't your life working out the way you want it to, even outside of work?
My suspicion is that you're lying to yourself.
*Gasp!* You, lie?? You're an honest person. In fact, it's your honesty—the fact that you keep giving credit to all your team members, even though you're the one pulling all the weight—that keeps getting you overlooked at the office. You even saw this pattern playing out before it happened again, so lying just can't be the problem.
Here's what I have to say to that: You may see the situation for what it is externally, but you're not facing up to what you feel about it on the inside.
While you say to yourself things like, "That's just the way things go here," and "there's nothing I can do about it, so I might as well accept it," another part of you is simmering away with unspoken (or unacknowledged) thoughts like, "I am so mad!"; "this isn't fair"; "that suck-up doesn't deserve any of the credit that I do." Do you see the problem here? You're squelching your own voice before you even admit your feelings to yourself!
Coming to terms with any negative life experience is an important means to accepting who you are and where you are. But it's a process—and to skip over any part of that process shuts it down completely. Take a moment RIGHT NOW to write down how you're feeling. Then categorize the thoughts you're having into one of the four categories:
GLAD
MAD
SAD or
SCARED.
(NOTE: If your thoughts fall into multiple categories, this is completely normal.) These are the basic sentiments that house all the other emotions. (Hint: "That suck-up doesn't deserve any of the credit that I do" would fall under "MAD.") How are you talking to yourself in your head right now?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
So, your co-worker got credit for the job you did again. Big deal. Happens all the time. At least you're still employed. ... Right?
Then why are you sighing and slamming the stapler? Why did you snap at your spouse and yell at your kids to "just shut up already!" yesterday—when you already knew this same old work scenario was about to play out today? Why did you wake up this morning with a tension headache, knowing you'd been grinding your teeth at night? If you've accepted this as "just the way things are," why isn't your life working out the way you want it to, even outside of work?
My suspicion is that you're lying to yourself.
*Gasp!* You, lie?? You're an honest person. In fact, it's your honesty—the fact that you keep giving credit to all your team members, even though you're the one pulling all the weight—that keeps getting you overlooked at the office. You even saw this pattern playing out before it happened again, so lying just can't be the problem.
Here's what I have to say to that: You may see the situation for what it is externally, but you're not facing up to what you feel about it on the inside.
While you say to yourself things like, "That's just the way things go here," and "there's nothing I can do about it, so I might as well accept it," another part of you is simmering away with unspoken (or unacknowledged) thoughts like, "I am so mad!"; "this isn't fair"; "that suck-up doesn't deserve any of the credit that I do." Do you see the problem here? You're squelching your own voice before you even admit your feelings to yourself!
Coming to terms with any negative life experience is an important means to accepting who you are and where you are. But it's a process—and to skip over any part of that process shuts it down completely. Take a moment RIGHT NOW to write down how you're feeling. Then categorize the thoughts you're having into one of the four categories:
GLAD
MAD
SAD or
SCARED.
(NOTE: If your thoughts fall into multiple categories, this is completely normal.) These are the basic sentiments that house all the other emotions. (Hint: "That suck-up doesn't deserve any of the credit that I do" would fall under "MAD.") How are you talking to yourself in your head right now?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Jan 18, 2010
WORD OF THE WEEK: Alexithymia
Summary: This week's word is relatively new, but is becoming more and more popular among certain circles. Although I love learning new words, the increased usage of this one—alexithymia—isn't necessarily a good thing: Alexithymia is the opposite of emotional intelligence, or speaking your personal truth. Its popularity means you and I are more and more often unable to say what we mean.
Don't try looking up this week's word in your desktop dictionary: It probably isn't there. Alexithymia (ah -LEX - eh - THY - MEE - ya) is only 30-some years old, very young in word years. Of course, far newer words and phrases are adopted into contemporary dictionaries every day, but only after the majority of the culture begins to regularly use them. Alexithymia has a little way to go on this front. However, medical dictionaries (do you have one on your shelf?) note the word's select popularity right up front.
Credited for introduction in 1972 by Dr. Peter Sifneos, M.D., the word means "an inability to articulate feelings," particularly in regard to emotions. It's a combination of the ancient Greek words a (without, lacking), lexis (word or diction), and thymos (emotions).
An interesting point to note here is that thymos also means spirited—and is thought to pertain to concepts that the brain's thymus deals with, like emotions.
Modern-day therapists and psychiatrists refer to their patients as alexithymic when, for example, they are obviously worked up, but can't explain what's going on in their lives to contribute to their upset state. But, of course, you don't have to be seeing a specialist to experience this all-too-common condition.
Do YOU know what you're feeling right NOW? If not, you may try journaling exercises to help you practice recognizing your feelings and speaking them 'out loud' (or on paper). Or you may visit this site on emotional literacy that just so happens to contain an excellent list of emotional/feeling words. Don't be alexithymic anymore! Speak your truth today.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Don't try looking up this week's word in your desktop dictionary: It probably isn't there. Alexithymia (ah -LEX - eh - THY - MEE - ya) is only 30-some years old, very young in word years. Of course, far newer words and phrases are adopted into contemporary dictionaries every day, but only after the majority of the culture begins to regularly use them. Alexithymia has a little way to go on this front. However, medical dictionaries (do you have one on your shelf?) note the word's select popularity right up front.
Credited for introduction in 1972 by Dr. Peter Sifneos, M.D., the word means "an inability to articulate feelings," particularly in regard to emotions. It's a combination of the ancient Greek words a (without, lacking), lexis (word or diction), and thymos (emotions).
An interesting point to note here is that thymos also means spirited—and is thought to pertain to concepts that the brain's thymus deals with, like emotions.
Modern-day therapists and psychiatrists refer to their patients as alexithymic when, for example, they are obviously worked up, but can't explain what's going on in their lives to contribute to their upset state. But, of course, you don't have to be seeing a specialist to experience this all-too-common condition.
Do YOU know what you're feeling right NOW? If not, you may try journaling exercises to help you practice recognizing your feelings and speaking them 'out loud' (or on paper). Or you may visit this site on emotional literacy that just so happens to contain an excellent list of emotional/feeling words. Don't be alexithymic anymore! Speak your truth today.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Jan 15, 2010
WEEKLY UPDATE: Take the Poll! What Stops You from Speaking YOUR Truth?
Summary: How do you handle stress? What's your biggest communication stumbling block? They're likely the same thing. Take the poll to the left (under "Polls") and I'll tell you next week how both are related to the way you speak to yourself in your head (self-talk).
So, you just wrapped up a work project that you put a lot of hard work, time and attention into, and now you're looking forward to a little pat on the back from your boss and co-workers—or at least a little recognition. And when it doesn't come ... you SNAP.
Whether that means you verbally snap at your assistant or you sit down at your desk and sob so audibly that people can hear you through the door and down the hall, the fact is you've met your threshold for stress. And you need to get to the other side of that threshold in one piece with your dignity—and your job—intact.
This is not an easy process. In fact there are probably as many steps (and a lot more time and attention) to this as there were in that work project that got you here to begin with. But it's worth it. The question now is: What's the first step?
You may have noticed a shiny new widget in the left-hand column of this blog page: The poll section. One reader (okay, I confess: the blog writer) has already admitted how she handles stress, or what her quickest emotional response to stress frequently is. What's your most common emotional response when life isn't going your way? That same emotion is more often than not the issue that's most likely to keep you from communicating well in trying times.
Do you want to learn how to say what you mean—even under stress—so that you can get what you want out of life? Answer the poll to the left, and tell me if you're like me (quick to anger) or how we're different. Next week, I'll tell you what this says about the way you speak to yourself! (Oh, and if you aren't a member of Blogger, but still want to participate, just post a comment here. Remember, comments are open to everyone!)
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
So, you just wrapped up a work project that you put a lot of hard work, time and attention into, and now you're looking forward to a little pat on the back from your boss and co-workers—or at least a little recognition. And when it doesn't come ... you SNAP.
Whether that means you verbally snap at your assistant or you sit down at your desk and sob so audibly that people can hear you through the door and down the hall, the fact is you've met your threshold for stress. And you need to get to the other side of that threshold in one piece with your dignity—and your job—intact.
This is not an easy process. In fact there are probably as many steps (and a lot more time and attention) to this as there were in that work project that got you here to begin with. But it's worth it. The question now is: What's the first step?
You may have noticed a shiny new widget in the left-hand column of this blog page: The poll section. One reader (okay, I confess: the blog writer) has already admitted how she handles stress, or what her quickest emotional response to stress frequently is. What's your most common emotional response when life isn't going your way? That same emotion is more often than not the issue that's most likely to keep you from communicating well in trying times.
Do you want to learn how to say what you mean—even under stress—so that you can get what you want out of life? Answer the poll to the left, and tell me if you're like me (quick to anger) or how we're different. Next week, I'll tell you what this says about the way you speak to yourself! (Oh, and if you aren't a member of Blogger, but still want to participate, just post a comment here. Remember, comments are open to everyone!)
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Jan 13, 2010
TRULY SPEAKING: Self-Talk
Summary: Self-talk isn't something everyone is familiar with—but it is something everyone does. If you have a tendency to tune out your emotions, you can benefit from becoming more self-aware. You and I will explore ways to do this over the coming weeks.
Do you talk to yourself? I do! And you do, too—whether you realize it or not.
The fact is, everyone 'talks' to himself or herself inside, even if it's not structured in complete sentences. The sentiment, the way we feel about ourselves, is readily apparent to others even more so than it is to you or me: The compassion we have (or don't have) for ourselves is often blatantly obvious in our actions, and especially in the way we treat others.
Take computer hackers, for example. There are all kinds of hackers out there. Some are employed by top computer companies and even the government, specifically to locate holes in security systems. Let's call them "the good guys." But my guess is the hackers who invented the elite (leet) language we learned about on Monday had little respect for themselves or others—hence their idea of being superior to mere mortals (moi) who don't even know the most basic of code language, HTML! Leetspeak has many times been embedded in code as a type of inside joke on the person or system being 'punked.' That's not a form of respect, for sure.
Over the next couple of weeks, you and I will explore some of the ways we treat others, and how this reflects (or deflects) what we're feeling inside, as well as some tools we can employ to become a little more self-aware. Keep reading!
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Do you talk to yourself? I do! And you do, too—whether you realize it or not.
The fact is, everyone 'talks' to himself or herself inside, even if it's not structured in complete sentences. The sentiment, the way we feel about ourselves, is readily apparent to others even more so than it is to you or me: The compassion we have (or don't have) for ourselves is often blatantly obvious in our actions, and especially in the way we treat others.
Take computer hackers, for example. There are all kinds of hackers out there. Some are employed by top computer companies and even the government, specifically to locate holes in security systems. Let's call them "the good guys." But my guess is the hackers who invented the elite (leet) language we learned about on Monday had little respect for themselves or others—hence their idea of being superior to mere mortals (moi) who don't even know the most basic of code language, HTML! Leetspeak has many times been embedded in code as a type of inside joke on the person or system being 'punked.' That's not a form of respect, for sure.
Over the next couple of weeks, you and I will explore some of the ways we treat others, and how this reflects (or deflects) what we're feeling inside, as well as some tools we can employ to become a little more self-aware. Keep reading!
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Dec 9, 2009
TRULY SPEAKING: Alert, Avert, Affirm Your Value—This Season & All Year Round
Summary: Taking care of yourself first is important all year round—but it's of the utmost importance during particularly stressful times, like the holidays. One popular technique, outlined in this blog post, is to "alert, avert, affirm" yourself to cope with stress.
It's a commonly used metaphor that makes a lot of sense: Just as flight safety plans caution passengers to put on their own oxygen masks first and then help those who may be dependent on them (children, elderly or disabled passengers), it's absolutely vital that you take care of yourself first before reaching to meet the needs of others. This is crucial in times of high stress—like the holidays.
I've been asking around for associations with the holidays, and I've gotten a lot of interesting answers. Family seems to be a big one. And that can connote joy or stress—or even a little of both to a lot of people. I tend to think of crowds, chaos, and cacophony (look that word up if you don't already know it!). There's the stress of shopping, the sounds of Muzak being piped in from everywhere, the sights and smells that take one back to childhood days when life was easier ... which can sometimes ignite a dangerous chain of thought that spirals into sadness and depression. Even if it doesn't, the assault on the senses alone is often dizzying and frenzied.
For people with compromised brain chemistry or low vitamin counts, the darker winter months that stretch across most of the U.S. are important times to be vigilant with self-care. Call it a self-care emergency.
A commonly used tactic to self-awareness in stressful situations can be summed up by the easy-to-recall phrase "alert, avert, affirm." (Some experts use a similar phrase, "distract, relax, and cope.") The basics are this:
Alert yourself to the problem. This doesn't mean you have to be making a conscious effort at all times to be vigilantly on the lookout for stress in your life. But once you realize you're feeling stressed or tense, or recognize that you're acting out toward others because of tension, take a moment to become aware of yourself and your surroundings: Where do you feel stress? (Anger often shows up as clenched teeth or hands, while nervousness and anxiety become stomach disruptions and increased heart rates.) How is it manifesting (are you snipping at others, driving erratically or slamming drawers and lids)? After some practice, this awareness becomes easier to note earlier in yourself.
Avert, divert, distract yourself from the upset. Relax in whatever way works for you, such as meditation, going for a run, breathing exercises or simply putting on your favorite music while you work. The important thing is to take at least 5 minutes to move away from the problem—physically if at all possible, and definitely emotionally—so that your brain chemistry can properly right itself and give you a better basis for decision-making.
Affirm by taking positive steps toward a solution to the problem at hand. This can be a literal affirmation ("I'm an important contributor to this team" may be a thought that alleviates anxiety over work judgment) or any other step that helps you to cope.
High-pressure times of year are perfect opportunities to practice stress-management techniques that can be used all-year round. The more you take care of yourself, the more of you is available to give generously to others, even if you're feeling the crisis.
(c) KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
It's a commonly used metaphor that makes a lot of sense: Just as flight safety plans caution passengers to put on their own oxygen masks first and then help those who may be dependent on them (children, elderly or disabled passengers), it's absolutely vital that you take care of yourself first before reaching to meet the needs of others. This is crucial in times of high stress—like the holidays.
I've been asking around for associations with the holidays, and I've gotten a lot of interesting answers. Family seems to be a big one. And that can connote joy or stress—or even a little of both to a lot of people. I tend to think of crowds, chaos, and cacophony (look that word up if you don't already know it!). There's the stress of shopping, the sounds of Muzak being piped in from everywhere, the sights and smells that take one back to childhood days when life was easier ... which can sometimes ignite a dangerous chain of thought that spirals into sadness and depression. Even if it doesn't, the assault on the senses alone is often dizzying and frenzied.
For people with compromised brain chemistry or low vitamin counts, the darker winter months that stretch across most of the U.S. are important times to be vigilant with self-care. Call it a self-care emergency.
A commonly used tactic to self-awareness in stressful situations can be summed up by the easy-to-recall phrase "alert, avert, affirm." (Some experts use a similar phrase, "distract, relax, and cope.") The basics are this:
Alert yourself to the problem. This doesn't mean you have to be making a conscious effort at all times to be vigilantly on the lookout for stress in your life. But once you realize you're feeling stressed or tense, or recognize that you're acting out toward others because of tension, take a moment to become aware of yourself and your surroundings: Where do you feel stress? (Anger often shows up as clenched teeth or hands, while nervousness and anxiety become stomach disruptions and increased heart rates.) How is it manifesting (are you snipping at others, driving erratically or slamming drawers and lids)? After some practice, this awareness becomes easier to note earlier in yourself.
Avert, divert, distract yourself from the upset. Relax in whatever way works for you, such as meditation, going for a run, breathing exercises or simply putting on your favorite music while you work. The important thing is to take at least 5 minutes to move away from the problem—physically if at all possible, and definitely emotionally—so that your brain chemistry can properly right itself and give you a better basis for decision-making.
Affirm by taking positive steps toward a solution to the problem at hand. This can be a literal affirmation ("I'm an important contributor to this team" may be a thought that alleviates anxiety over work judgment) or any other step that helps you to cope.
High-pressure times of year are perfect opportunities to practice stress-management techniques that can be used all-year round. The more you take care of yourself, the more of you is available to give generously to others, even if you're feeling the crisis.
(c) KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Oct 30, 2009
WEEKLY UPDATE: To Journal or Not to Journal
Summary: There are lots of reasons to keep a journal, but the process can be a lot simpler than you may think. Four basics for journaling through feelings are outlined in today's post. For further info., check out old, new, and forthcoming posts by "The Journal Lady" Barbara J. Henry, my fellow blogger.
In my last post, I mentioned that journaling can be very helpful for sorting out your feelings. A lot of people are overwhelmed by the idea of starting or keeping a journal. But the fact is, to be its most helpful, journaling is used in its simplest form.
Here are the basics of journaling:
(1) Define the reason you want to keep a journal. Maybe you don’t want to actually “keep” a journal at all. Rather, you may likely want to simply get the thoughts that are bothering you out of your head. And putting them on paper is an excellent way to get them outside of yourself. In a case such as this, it’s not necessary to buy a special notebook or keep it in a sacred spot. You can grab any scratch pad that’s handy and use any writing utensil to record your thoughts at any time. And you can even throw those thoughts away once you’ve gotten them out of your system. (You may use a recording device to achieve the same results.)
(2) Use the journal as consistently as is comfortable for you and your needs. For some purposes, such as enhancing creativity, daily journaling is important. But when it comes to maintenance of feelings, daily journaling is often unnecessary. Again, simply record your thoughts when you cannot get rid of them—and can’t think clearly enough to work your way through them without this extra aid. The more you engage in this exercise, the easier it will become for you to work through your bogged-down feelings without a journal.
(3) Be specific in your journal entries. While it may be helpful to write a general sketch of what’s going on or what’s bothering you in the moment (and it often is), this doesn’t exactly help you to solve the problem. To do that, you’ll want to be as specific as possible—not only about what’s happening, but also about how you feel about it. Saying (or writing), “I feel bad,” is too vague. Give those bad feelings precise names that accurately convey your emotion: angry, hostile, over-excited, guilty, hurt, confused, disappointed, etc. If you find that you can’t put a name to it—or that you are too commonly using generic words like bad or upset to describe how you feel—it’s okay to write that you’re unsure what to call the way you’re feeling. But do take the time to think about it and practice naming what you feel very specifically. This also gets easier with practice.
(4) Don’t forget to focus on the positive. After you’ve vented, it’s important to give yourself closure on the situation at hand. One very easy way to do that is to think of what you’re grateful for, because even in negative situations, we can always find something positive. (For example, if “I’m mad at my husband for not helping with the dishes,” I can later recognize that “I’m grateful he’s been working so hard to bring in money this week and also that he appreciates my cooking for him.”)
I’ve been journaling for a variety of reasons since before I could even write in cursive. Although I’ve gotten a lot of different benefits from journal-writing, the longest staple has been an objective observation of my feelings in situations that might otherwise overwhelm me. I have employed all of the above techniques as needed with quite positive results.
For more helpful hints on this subject, check out the blog of my colleague, Barbara J. Henry, a.k.a. “The Journal Lady.” Look for guest posts from Barbara in both past and future entries to Beyond Talk.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
In my last post, I mentioned that journaling can be very helpful for sorting out your feelings. A lot of people are overwhelmed by the idea of starting or keeping a journal. But the fact is, to be its most helpful, journaling is used in its simplest form.
Here are the basics of journaling:
(1) Define the reason you want to keep a journal. Maybe you don’t want to actually “keep” a journal at all. Rather, you may likely want to simply get the thoughts that are bothering you out of your head. And putting them on paper is an excellent way to get them outside of yourself. In a case such as this, it’s not necessary to buy a special notebook or keep it in a sacred spot. You can grab any scratch pad that’s handy and use any writing utensil to record your thoughts at any time. And you can even throw those thoughts away once you’ve gotten them out of your system. (You may use a recording device to achieve the same results.)
(2) Use the journal as consistently as is comfortable for you and your needs. For some purposes, such as enhancing creativity, daily journaling is important. But when it comes to maintenance of feelings, daily journaling is often unnecessary. Again, simply record your thoughts when you cannot get rid of them—and can’t think clearly enough to work your way through them without this extra aid. The more you engage in this exercise, the easier it will become for you to work through your bogged-down feelings without a journal.
(3) Be specific in your journal entries. While it may be helpful to write a general sketch of what’s going on or what’s bothering you in the moment (and it often is), this doesn’t exactly help you to solve the problem. To do that, you’ll want to be as specific as possible—not only about what’s happening, but also about how you feel about it. Saying (or writing), “I feel bad,” is too vague. Give those bad feelings precise names that accurately convey your emotion: angry, hostile, over-excited, guilty, hurt, confused, disappointed, etc. If you find that you can’t put a name to it—or that you are too commonly using generic words like bad or upset to describe how you feel—it’s okay to write that you’re unsure what to call the way you’re feeling. But do take the time to think about it and practice naming what you feel very specifically. This also gets easier with practice.
(4) Don’t forget to focus on the positive. After you’ve vented, it’s important to give yourself closure on the situation at hand. One very easy way to do that is to think of what you’re grateful for, because even in negative situations, we can always find something positive. (For example, if “I’m mad at my husband for not helping with the dishes,” I can later recognize that “I’m grateful he’s been working so hard to bring in money this week and also that he appreciates my cooking for him.”)
I’ve been journaling for a variety of reasons since before I could even write in cursive. Although I’ve gotten a lot of different benefits from journal-writing, the longest staple has been an objective observation of my feelings in situations that might otherwise overwhelm me. I have employed all of the above techniques as needed with quite positive results.
For more helpful hints on this subject, check out the blog of my colleague, Barbara J. Henry, a.k.a. “The Journal Lady.” Look for guest posts from Barbara in both past and future entries to Beyond Talk.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 28, 2009
WEEKLY UPDATE: Emotional Awareness Resources
Here is a list of outstanding resources on emotional awareness, or how to get in touch with and identify your feelings:
EQI.org – This site has so many wonderful resources to offer, particularly a list of "feeling words" (that's several pages long—and open to new words from anyone willing to contribute) and an interesting article by Lea Winerman about the cross-cultural belief that talking about emotional discomfort helps alleviate it.
EmotionalProcessing.org – Also chock-full of info., this site is more science-based than anecdotal. The page link here points out the "5 Levels of Emotional Awareness" (Lane & Schwartz, 1987) as: 1. physical sensations, 2. action tendancies, 3. single emotions, 4. blends of emotions, and 5. blends of blends of emotional experience. It's important to note that most external conflict starts at #4, and escalates exponentially at #5.
Edel Jarboe's Article – Titled "Emotional Intelligence," this 1999 article is still timely and important in correlating one's emotional state to one's ability to communicate with clarity. It lists 10 ways to improve your emotional intelligence—including my favorite, "Listen twice as much as you speak."
HelpGuide.org's Emotional Awareness Page – Anyone looking for a basic overview of emotions and their big picture purpose should start here. HelpGuide has a plethora of other resources, too, such as the page on Improving Emotional Awareness, which explains step-by-step how to experience and tolerate intense emotions.
In my personal time, I volunteer with a group called DBSA (the Depression Biplar Support Alliance), facilitating an advocacy and support group for people who've been diagnosed with Major Depression or Bipolar Disorder, as well as for their friends and family members. Our bimonthly meetings regularly focus on how to deal with emotions, especially in extremes. If you or someone you know has a particularly difficult time dealing with or acknowledging emotions, and you suspect Depression or Bipolar Disorder could be involved, contact DBSA for more information. The problem will never change until it's first acknowledged.
Whether or not you shut off your emotions, let them run your life (and sometimes the lives of those around you) or fall somewhere in between, emotions are the backbone of your personal communication style. If you review even one of the resources above over the coming weekend, you'll be that much more prepared on Monday to communicate with confidence and ease.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
EQI.org – This site has so many wonderful resources to offer, particularly a list of "feeling words" (that's several pages long—and open to new words from anyone willing to contribute) and an interesting article by Lea Winerman about the cross-cultural belief that talking about emotional discomfort helps alleviate it.
EmotionalProcessing.org – Also chock-full of info., this site is more science-based than anecdotal. The page link here points out the "5 Levels of Emotional Awareness" (Lane & Schwartz, 1987) as: 1. physical sensations, 2. action tendancies, 3. single emotions, 4. blends of emotions, and 5. blends of blends of emotional experience. It's important to note that most external conflict starts at #4, and escalates exponentially at #5.
Edel Jarboe's Article – Titled "Emotional Intelligence," this 1999 article is still timely and important in correlating one's emotional state to one's ability to communicate with clarity. It lists 10 ways to improve your emotional intelligence—including my favorite, "Listen twice as much as you speak."
HelpGuide.org's Emotional Awareness Page – Anyone looking for a basic overview of emotions and their big picture purpose should start here. HelpGuide has a plethora of other resources, too, such as the page on Improving Emotional Awareness, which explains step-by-step how to experience and tolerate intense emotions.
In my personal time, I volunteer with a group called DBSA (the Depression Biplar Support Alliance), facilitating an advocacy and support group for people who've been diagnosed with Major Depression or Bipolar Disorder, as well as for their friends and family members. Our bimonthly meetings regularly focus on how to deal with emotions, especially in extremes. If you or someone you know has a particularly difficult time dealing with or acknowledging emotions, and you suspect Depression or Bipolar Disorder could be involved, contact DBSA for more information. The problem will never change until it's first acknowledged.
Whether or not you shut off your emotions, let them run your life (and sometimes the lives of those around you) or fall somewhere in between, emotions are the backbone of your personal communication style. If you review even one of the resources above over the coming weekend, you'll be that much more prepared on Monday to communicate with confidence and ease.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
May 22, 2009
WEEKLY UPDATE: Pouring Thoughts onto the Page
Today is not my day. Do you have them, too—the days when you oversleep, spill your coffee, fight with your spouse over space in front of the mirror, and lose your keys? Sigh! These are the days when I write a lot of "sighs" in my journal.
Journaling can be an amazing way to communicate: Not only do you practice authentic communication in print (and have an opportunity to try out new words you're just learning or play with punctuation and double-check your spelling), but you learn how to get honest and real with yourself. Once you know who you are, you can share that wonderful self with the world.
I took some time today to get real with myself by writing about it. Then I took a moment to apologize to my husband for snapping at him! I explained what was going on with me, internally, (now that I knew, thanks to my journal). Then I listened to his side. That is true communication.
Author, consultant, and fellow blogger Barbara J. Henry has a recently-published book about journaling for beginners called Journaling: Twenty-Plus Reasons Why You Should Start Now. She also blogs each week about the emotional aspect of communication (fear, forgiveness, stress, even quietude). At the end of this month, Barbara will be guest blogging on Beyond Talk to share this wisdom. I'm excited about this, because it should correspond to the launch of my own re-vamped website and e-course, "Speak Your Truth," which also contains tips for beginning journalers.
Have you ever journaled or tried to journal? What was that like for you? Remember, sharing is the first and last step in the journaling process, so DO TELL!
(c) KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Journaling can be an amazing way to communicate: Not only do you practice authentic communication in print (and have an opportunity to try out new words you're just learning or play with punctuation and double-check your spelling), but you learn how to get honest and real with yourself. Once you know who you are, you can share that wonderful self with the world.
I took some time today to get real with myself by writing about it. Then I took a moment to apologize to my husband for snapping at him! I explained what was going on with me, internally, (now that I knew, thanks to my journal). Then I listened to his side. That is true communication.
Author, consultant, and fellow blogger Barbara J. Henry has a recently-published book about journaling for beginners called Journaling: Twenty-Plus Reasons Why You Should Start Now. She also blogs each week about the emotional aspect of communication (fear, forgiveness, stress, even quietude). At the end of this month, Barbara will be guest blogging on Beyond Talk to share this wisdom. I'm excited about this, because it should correspond to the launch of my own re-vamped website and e-course, "Speak Your Truth," which also contains tips for beginning journalers.
Have you ever journaled or tried to journal? What was that like for you? Remember, sharing is the first and last step in the journaling process, so DO TELL!
(c) KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
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