WEEKLY UPDATE: Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas!

I'm comfortably lounging in my new slippers from Santa, sated with a full belly, surrounded by wrapping paper and merrily watching back-to-back-to-back episodes of "A Christmas Story" (one of my favorite traditions)—and my cats attacking their new catnip toys. This is bliss.

Today, I want to say, "Thank you," to my fellow blogger Barbara Henry for her guest post last week. And I want to share with all of you the link to my own guest post on her site. Enjoy!

TRULY SPEAKING: How to Break the Ice & Survive Social Anxiety This Holiday

Summary: If you're less of a social butterfly than you are a shy wallflower, the thought of holiday festivities may cause you worry and fear. Follow these basic tips to break the ice at social gatherings—now and any time of year.

If your calendar is bulging with the weight of social functions—office holiday parties with clients and co-workers, seasonally-themed dinner parties with friends, school and social outings with the kids—you are by no means alone. (And if you've attended even one of those functions, you already know that's true!)

For all of you social butterflies out there, this is your time to sparkle and shine. But what if you're less "social butterfly" and more "wallflower"? Or perhaps you like to socialize, but get burned out after two or three occasions in one month (or week): What do you do?

Mustering up enough energy to be bubbly at every seasonal social occasion that comes your way may not be realistic. But there are some tricks you can apply to make certain you at least socialize appropriately—and even have a little fun, yourself, while you're at it, no matter how much you want to run to the shelter of your own home. The phrase "breaking the ice" is a commonly-used American idiom that refers to those awkward first moments upon meeting strangers. In corporate team-building exercises, "ice-breakers" are the ones done at the start of the experience, usually involving pairing off into partners or forming small groups and answering personal questions in a novel way.

Here are just a few ways you can break the ice in a variety of settings—now and all year round:

Ask questions. Most people like to talk about themselves. If you're having a hard time thinking of a conversation-starter, have a handful of general questions in mind that you can ask anyone, anywhere. Some good basics are: "How do you know the host(s)?" and "Do you live in this area?" With the exception of company parties, another stand-by is: "What do you do for a living?"

Sometimes seemingly innocent questions can spark controversy, but don't take it personally if this happens with someone you're addressing. After all, you aren't psychic. A graceful way to back out of such a situation (say, if someone you've asked, "What do you do for a living?" begins hemming and hawing about having been downsized or, worse, launches into a tirade about the economy that offends your sense of politics) is to kindly reply, "Oh, I'm sorry for asking," and change the subject using one of the other tactics noted in this blog post.

Compliment people. Flattery will get you everywhere! (Never mind the popular idiom to the contrary—at least not in lighthearted circumstances.) Some of the easiest conversation-starters begin with, "I really like that centerpiece. Did you make it?" (or "That scarf is beautiful. Where did you find it?"). Be sincere when making such comments, because that helps to build rapport.

Keep it simple. When it comes to answering questions yourself, your best bet is to keep your answers brief and to the point, particularly if you have hard time trusting people you've just met. It may be tempting to become gregarious, but this will only backfire on you emotionally later if you're prone to worry that you may have said too much. This doesn't mean to respond in only yes-or-no answers. Just provide a few details and then redirect the conversation with some questions of your own. This keeps a momentum to the conversation, as in a kind of verbal tennis match with each side lobbing words instead of balls. ("So, how do you know the hosts?" "We do business together. Tim's been a wonderful client for about five years now. And how do you know them?" "We're neighbors. We've been neighbors now for nearly a decade. It's hard to believe. Are you in sales, like Tim?" "Direct marketing: I'm a printer, actually. My company prints brochures and flyers and business cards for Tim. What do you do for a living?")

A final tip for breaking the holiday party ice is to keep the cocktails and spiced eggnog to a minimum. Sometimes food and drink can be a crutch at a social affair. It's okay to use it as a conversation-starter, such as saying, "Have you tried the eggnog yet? It's very flavorful!" But if you eat or drink to excess, you're more likely to give yourself indigestion or ignore all social graces than to successfully enjoy the party. After all, if you truly didn't want to be invited back next year, you probably wouldn't be attending in the first place!

Happy mingling, my friends!

© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009

WORD OF THE WEEK: Happy & Halcyon

Summary: December is often a stressful month that can be full of energy and enthusiasm at its best moments. No wonder we're often wishing each other peace around this time of year. This week's word, halcyon—which means peace (and also peace-bringer)—is my hope for peace to you.

The month of December is drawing to a close. People are busy celebrating and have been celebrating the year 2009 with great gusto: cooking, feasting, gift-giving, and celebrating with ceremony that entails numerous details. They're trading well-wishes in the form of cards and slogans, most of them containing the words, merry and happy and joyful.

Soon we will be setting goals for 2010 and looking toward our future. The emphasis is on enthusiasm in all of these scenarios.

But there's another word that permeates and inspires in December. That word is peace. "Peace be with you," we say to each other; we wish for "peace on earth" and hope in our hearts that there may be some peace of mind for us, personally.

Today's word is my own wish for you—both in your heart and in your household. Let me tell you a little story about it first:

Once upon a time, there was a little boat that set sail upon the sea from Greece. As it sailed on its merry way, it encountered a storm that tossed the boat to and fro, rocking it fiercely. Eventually, the thunderous wail and riotous tumult of the stormy skies and sea waves began to subside. A bird—a kingfisher, also known as a halcyon—flew down and landed on the boat's prow, watching over the waves as they slowly came to a calm. The little boat, though it was wood and could not feel, was happily buoyed again.

Halcyon (HAL - see - EN), this week's featured word, is both a noun and an adjective. As a noun, it is a type of bird like a kingfisher that feeds from the ocean, frequently after a storm as fish return closer to the surface (where they feed on insects—there to scoop up water and eat smaller insects—that have hidden in tight clusters for the storm's duration). In the days of ancient civilization, Grecian seafarers did not fully grasp this life cycle, and instead believed the kingfisher, or halcyon, was a bird that brought peace to the sea with its watchful gaze.

As an adjective, the word halcyon simply means peaceful.

May the great bird of peace glide over your home this winter and bless you throughout this week.

© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009

GUEST BLOGGER: The Importance of Thank You (by Barbara J. Henry)

Summary: In our technology-driven world, we sometimes forget the importance of the little things, the "small gestures" in effective communication.

The art of communicating gets more and more sophisticated daily it seems. For those of us interested in personal development, it is an opportunity to learn new ways to express our
ideas. There is always a better, quicker, more efficient way to say what needs to be shared, from instant messages to tweets.

But, in our technology-driven world, we sometimes forget the importance of the little things, the small gestures in effective communication.

Let me ask you, how often during the course of a day have you forgotten to say, "Thank you," for the awesome work done, the fantastic meal or the indescribable deal you received from a family member, friend or colleague?

Sure, we know we should express gratitude for what others do for us, and that is exactly what a "thank you" does. These two small words, "thank you," let others know that what they've done is noticed and appreciated. It also tells them that you realize what was done resulted from their concern, love, and appreciation of you. Finally, it sends a clear, unequivocal message that we know no one owes us anything, and when we are the recipients of acts of kindness—whether random or intentional—we appreciate them, and we express our gratitude by saying, "Thank you."

During this holiday season, there will be many opportunities to use these two small words. Let's not forget to use them every chance we get.

Remember: "Thank yous" are expressions of gratitude and appreciation. They remind us of the many reasons for which we are grateful. Let's use them liberally during this yuletide season, and throughout the coming years.

What To Do Next:
1. Consciously, intentionally, and sincerely say, "Thank you," for every act of kindness you receive.
2. Perform random acts of kindness for your loved ones and others in your
circle of influence.
3. Remind small children (they may be too excited to remember on their own) to
express their gratitude by saying, "Thank you."

About the Writer: Barbara Henry is a published author, (Journaling: Twenty Plus Reasons Why You Should Start Now) personal development expert, motivational speaker, poet, and avid reader of books on self-growth, self-help, and spirituality, which are the subjects of her blogs and poems. Visit her website: www.barbarajhenry.com; go to the Titles/Products page and download a free copy of her very effective tip sheet “9 Write Ways to Solve Problems.”

TRULY SPEAKING: Idioms, Not Idiots

Summary: If you think idioms (like "she wore her heart on her sleeve") are idiotic, think again: They not only serve a purpose, they each have common origins. There are so many of them in today's global village that they can be downright confusing, instead of the shorthand they once were. How to sort them out? See the resources linked below!

“The artless young woman wore her heart on her sleeve for all to see.”

Do you take this sentence literally, envisioning a paper heart sewn onto a shirtsleeve—or worse, a messy sleeve from a blood-pumping heart? It may surprise you to learn that a lot of people do!

This type of phrase is called an idiom, and it’s used to convey an idea somewhat poetically, or metaphorically. There are a lot of these idioms in language—in every culture. (“I’m pulling your leg” in English and “I’m touching your hair” in Spanish both mean, “I’m joking with you.”) Some people, however, are completely befuddled by idioms, especially people on the autism spectrum—which, according to the Autism Society of America, is the fastest growing developmentally challenged population in the U.S.

Despite their seemingly nonsensical existence, idioms do serve a purpose. And whether you're struggling to pick up idioms in a new language you're learning or pondering the roots of those you've heard your whole life in your native tongue, you'll be relieved to know that the purpose of any idiom is not to make you look like an idiot (though it may sometimes feel that way).

Instead, they're meant to be a type of shorthand. They come from common social situations: In example, sailors "learned the ropes" when first starting out by practicing various knot-tying techniques. As they became seasoned, it was understood that they already knew how to tie any knot needed for any situation at sea. It became a kind of shorthand for older sailors to mutter, "He's still learning the ropes," in explanation of a younger sailor's mistake—even when this mistake was about something other than tying knots into ropes. One could logically reason that if the newbie sailor didn't know his knots yet, he must not know much else about sailing; so, saying this was enough. The shorthand explanation of "He's still learning the ropes" often saved the younger sailor from more severe discipline by the captain, who may not know his crew well enough to know each man's level of experience.

Today, we frequently say of a newer company employee, "She's learning the ropes," as an explanation of her adjustment to the company's processes and practices and any other aspect of the work culture.

BTW, "wearing your heart on your sleeve" is a phrase first coined by William Shakespeare in his play Othello, 1604. Just as lines are frequently picked up today from movies—"Show me the money!"—and brought into popular culture, so were many of Shakespeare's lines of that time period. And many have stayed with us through the evolution of English.

For more help, access these sites:

GoEnglish.com - Includes an Idiom Dictionary, as well as an Idiom Thesaurus for searching phrases that convey the same idea

The Phrase Finder - Although this is a British site, it offers a handy Phrase-A-Week e-mail option in addition to meanings and another Phrase Thesaurus

© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009