Summary: Do you have the soft skills it takes to compete—and win—in today's business world? Find out what soft skills are and how to get them today.
This week's WOW is really a POW—a Phrase of the Week: soft skills.
According to its Wikipedia definition, soft skills refers to a specific set of abilities that are often innate, but can be learned.
Let me repeat that: these skills can be learned. They just may take more time to learn than your traditional hard job skills.
What's the difference between "hard skills" and "soft skills"? Great question! So glad you asked.
Hard skills are things like typing, data input, computer programming, computer program usage, even memorizing sales scripts. They're the day-to-day duties you list in your résumé that help you land the job—or the ones you learned and practiced while on the job. Soft skills, by contrast, are things like crafting an appropriate email message that resonates with your client; training others to use company-wide computer and data systems; and incorporating the bottom line points of a sales script into your own, authentic language. They are the little extra flourishes you put in your résumé's objective or cover letter to ensure you land the job (and get along with your co-workers and employers)—things like "people person," "great listener" and "works well on a team." Here's more:
1. "Soft skills are personal attributes that enhance an individual's interactions, job performance and career prospects" and are "broadly applicable both in and outside the work place." (Wikipedia)
2. "Screening or training for" these types of skills "can yield significant return on investment for an organization." Studies have proven this to be true. (Wikipedia et. al.)
3. It's been suggested they're more important long-term than hard skills, or the occupational skill sets that can be more readily taught and learned—and even remembered by rote. (Wikipedia, KiKi Productions Inc. Communications Coaching et. al.)
4. Whereas "hard skills" are typically related to one's IQ, soft skills relate to your EQ, or your emotional intelligence quotient. (Wiki, KiKi)
5. Some of the top soft skills that employers look for can be found in this article. (AOL Jobs)
Here are a list of soft skills that I teach my clients daily:
communication skills
conflict resolution
creative problem solving
strategic thinking/enhanced focus
icebreakers/cold calling
sales closing
rapport building
team building/team goal setting
personal goal setting & achievement
time management/effective appointment setting
Join me in the campaign to add this fabulous phrase, soft skills, to the dictionary—or at least the open/slang dictionary at Merriam-Webster.com. Click the link, submit the phrase and credit the article or blog entry of your choice!
And to add some much-needed soft skills to your own repertoire and résumé—or to improve your soft skill set—consider working with a coach like me or other communications coaches. Google the search term or check out my website to begin your journey to personal and professional improvement.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2012
Showing posts with label conflict resolution. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conflict resolution. Show all posts
Apr 3, 2012
Jan 10, 2011
Vacations from H--- (And How to Save Them)
Summary: When good vacations go bad, it's easy to get caught up in the natural disappointment you feel. But how do you recover? Rather than returning home feeling like you need a vacation from your vacation, read the 4 steps below that help you STOP and assess your situation to change your attitude.
Last Monday, I wrote about the history and meaning of the word sabbatical. I also shared how my own self-imposed writing sabbatical went awry. And I asked you to share your stories about vacations that took a wrong turn—and how you coped with the unexpected change in plans.
Here are some of the stories I received:
• Delia said she was in the midst of a bad vacation, herself. She, her husband, and their toddler had taken a two-week trip to Boston—only to be ambushed by the flu. Instead of sight-seeing, they were holed up in their hotel room for days on end, coping with their colds.
• Christine recalled a vaca to Glacier National Park where "one walloping argument ... kind of ruined a lovely place."
• Melissa and Kim said they'd also experienced fighting on supposedly romantic getaways, though they preferred not to share the details. Meanwhile, Lee Ann said she'd never had a romantic getaway with her husband! I wonder which is more emotionally upsetting?
• Mark, who is a seminary student, didn't share any vacation stories, but did say he appreciates the word choice of sabbatical—and that he'll be appreciating it even more in the years to come!
As for their emotional responses to these experiences, Delia's outlook was the most optimistic: She shared that, despite their disappointment, they were, "staying positive and united as a family." It's much more difficult to be positive all on your own, as was likely the case with the others when arguments got in the way of good expectations. Christine said she and her husband, "had spent way too much time with just the two of us at that point" when they fought on their trip.
What's the recipe for finding your happy place when you're away from home? Here are some steps that may help you STOP and reassess your situation:
1. STOP - The second you notice yourself getting worked up and upset (whether it's because you notice yourself picking a fight with others around you or because you have an emotional response like wanting to cry), stop whatever you're doing that instant. Even if you're in public, it's okay to walk away for a moment.
2. TAKE A MOMENT - Taking a moment for yourself is imperative to moving forward with peace when emotions are beginning to overwhelm you.
3. OBSERVE YOURSELF - In order to step out of yourself to objectively observe, ask yourself, "What am I feeling physically?" and "What am I feeling emotionally?" as well as "What are my thoughts?" (Read more in these two posts about methods by Abraham Low and Byron Katie.)
4. PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK - It's important to congratulate yourself for keeping your composure. This is where affirmations come in very handy. (I've written a lot on the subject of affirmations in this blog, so I encourage you to search the phrase and check out these many posts, in addition to clicking this link.) With a healthier frame of mind, you can usually rescue your day, if not your entire trip, and find the funny side of the situation.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Last Monday, I wrote about the history and meaning of the word sabbatical. I also shared how my own self-imposed writing sabbatical went awry. And I asked you to share your stories about vacations that took a wrong turn—and how you coped with the unexpected change in plans.
Here are some of the stories I received:
• Delia said she was in the midst of a bad vacation, herself. She, her husband, and their toddler had taken a two-week trip to Boston—only to be ambushed by the flu. Instead of sight-seeing, they were holed up in their hotel room for days on end, coping with their colds.
• Christine recalled a vaca to Glacier National Park where "one walloping argument ... kind of ruined a lovely place."
• Melissa and Kim said they'd also experienced fighting on supposedly romantic getaways, though they preferred not to share the details. Meanwhile, Lee Ann said she'd never had a romantic getaway with her husband! I wonder which is more emotionally upsetting?
• Mark, who is a seminary student, didn't share any vacation stories, but did say he appreciates the word choice of sabbatical—and that he'll be appreciating it even more in the years to come!
As for their emotional responses to these experiences, Delia's outlook was the most optimistic: She shared that, despite their disappointment, they were, "staying positive and united as a family." It's much more difficult to be positive all on your own, as was likely the case with the others when arguments got in the way of good expectations. Christine said she and her husband, "had spent way too much time with just the two of us at that point" when they fought on their trip.
What's the recipe for finding your happy place when you're away from home? Here are some steps that may help you STOP and reassess your situation:
1. STOP - The second you notice yourself getting worked up and upset (whether it's because you notice yourself picking a fight with others around you or because you have an emotional response like wanting to cry), stop whatever you're doing that instant. Even if you're in public, it's okay to walk away for a moment.
2. TAKE A MOMENT - Taking a moment for yourself is imperative to moving forward with peace when emotions are beginning to overwhelm you.
3. OBSERVE YOURSELF - In order to step out of yourself to objectively observe, ask yourself, "What am I feeling physically?" and "What am I feeling emotionally?" as well as "What are my thoughts?" (Read more in these two posts about methods by Abraham Low and Byron Katie.)
4. PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK - It's important to congratulate yourself for keeping your composure. This is where affirmations come in very handy. (I've written a lot on the subject of affirmations in this blog, so I encourage you to search the phrase and check out these many posts, in addition to clicking this link.) With a healthier frame of mind, you can usually rescue your day, if not your entire trip, and find the funny side of the situation.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Mar 22, 2010
WORD OF THE WEEK: Edentate
Summary: No more spoon-feeding! This week, I'm asking you to tell me what's at the root of our weekly vocabulary word, edentate. (Pardon all the puns ....)
Today's word can describe sloths, armadillos, aardvarks—and sometimes even people. Can you think of what all these mammals have in common that they might not share with other mammals?
Well, before you run out to your nearest natural history museum, let me give you another clue: Ants are a staple in the diet of all edentata (again, sometimes even people). ... Give up? Okay, read on for the answer.
Edentate (EE - DEN - tayt) - (n./adj.) toothless / toothlessness; belonging to a species category that's toothless (as in edentata).
Next time you're looking for an insult to mutter to yourself that's not likely to start a war (in the event that it's overheard), consider this one! While I don't recommend passive-aggressiveness as a way to resolve conflict, I do agree that sometimes you just feel like venting, but have nowhere to go. Consider your audience first, of course: If they're sesquipedalians, you might be in trouble, no matter what words you mutter. And you're also out of luck if, like you, they read this blog!
For now, I'd like to turn the tables: This time, you tell me what you think the root of this word is.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Today's word can describe sloths, armadillos, aardvarks—and sometimes even people. Can you think of what all these mammals have in common that they might not share with other mammals?
Well, before you run out to your nearest natural history museum, let me give you another clue: Ants are a staple in the diet of all edentata (again, sometimes even people). ... Give up? Okay, read on for the answer.
Edentate (EE - DEN - tayt) - (n./adj.) toothless / toothlessness; belonging to a species category that's toothless (as in edentata).
Next time you're looking for an insult to mutter to yourself that's not likely to start a war (in the event that it's overheard), consider this one! While I don't recommend passive-aggressiveness as a way to resolve conflict, I do agree that sometimes you just feel like venting, but have nowhere to go. Consider your audience first, of course: If they're sesquipedalians, you might be in trouble, no matter what words you mutter. And you're also out of luck if, like you, they read this blog!
For now, I'd like to turn the tables: This time, you tell me what you think the root of this word is.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Mar 11, 2010
Article: 3 Basic Steps to Conflict Resolution
Here is the link I promised yesterday to my article "3 Basic Steps to Conflict Resolution" on GoArticles.com.
If you, like fellow article writer Gail Seymour, read my prior post on eye contact and suddenly wanted to know more, your wait is finally over! And if, like Jon R. of Ohio, who attended my presentation on communication last month, you struggle with eye contact or any of the other basic steps I outline in the article, write me. Just click the comments link below to share your thoughts.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
If you, like fellow article writer Gail Seymour, read my prior post on eye contact and suddenly wanted to know more, your wait is finally over! And if, like Jon R. of Ohio, who attended my presentation on communication last month, you struggle with eye contact or any of the other basic steps I outline in the article, write me. Just click the comments link below to share your thoughts.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Mar 10, 2010
3 Basic Steps to Conflict Resolution
I'm in the process of submitting an article on this very subject to GoArticles.com. Tomorrow, I'll post the link to the full article. Until then, know that you can download my e-workbook immediately and learn the 3 Basic Steps to Conflict Resolution—and a whole host of other communications tips—without the wait.
Best,
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Best,
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Feb 12, 2010
WEEKLY UPDATE: Resolving Conflict with Eye Contact
Summary: When it comes to conflict resolution, when is eye contact helpful—and when is it hurtful? The answer is individual.
I recently received an e-mail message from Jon R. of Ohio who attended my communications workshop there last week. Part of the workshop focused on the 3 basic steps to conflict resolution. Jon writes in his message that the best way for him to resolve conflict is to "depersonalize" it using logic. And he points out, accurately, that the 3 steps I teach all specifically personalize what's going on.
Step one in conflict resolution is: Open your eyes! In other words, make eye contact.
It makes sense that some individuals—like Jon—find it helpful to cognitively process by detaching from the situation (and thus detaching from any excess emotions that may cloud their ability to make clear decisions and communicate well). However, making eye contact is imperative to showing respect to your 'opponent' in long-term conflict resolution. Read this e-article by Gail Seymour on How to Maintain Eye Contact. And don't forget to check out the related links with even more info. on the pros and cons of eye contact.
My 3 basic steps to conflict resolution start with this essential. I teach clients how to work through uncomfortable moments to go deeper into their feelings and come through them successfully. But the bottom line is, you should do what works best for you whenever you need to regain your composure and think—and speak—clearly.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
I recently received an e-mail message from Jon R. of Ohio who attended my communications workshop there last week. Part of the workshop focused on the 3 basic steps to conflict resolution. Jon writes in his message that the best way for him to resolve conflict is to "depersonalize" it using logic. And he points out, accurately, that the 3 steps I teach all specifically personalize what's going on.
Step one in conflict resolution is: Open your eyes! In other words, make eye contact.
It makes sense that some individuals—like Jon—find it helpful to cognitively process by detaching from the situation (and thus detaching from any excess emotions that may cloud their ability to make clear decisions and communicate well). However, making eye contact is imperative to showing respect to your 'opponent' in long-term conflict resolution. Read this e-article by Gail Seymour on How to Maintain Eye Contact. And don't forget to check out the related links with even more info. on the pros and cons of eye contact.
My 3 basic steps to conflict resolution start with this essential. I teach clients how to work through uncomfortable moments to go deeper into their feelings and come through them successfully. But the bottom line is, you should do what works best for you whenever you need to regain your composure and think—and speak—clearly.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Nov 11, 2009
TRULY SPEAKING: And Now for Something Completely Different (the Art of the Segue)
Summary: My colleague Tim Wilson has a great recent post to his Public Speaking Library blog about handling the unexpected with a smooth segue into your intended idea. This works not just at public presentations, but also in private conversations.
My colleague Tim Wilson writes a blog (The Public Speaking Library) for—who else?—public speakers. Whether you're a professional presenter by trade, a teacher with class or simply someone who delivers the occasional industry workshop, office pitch or random wedding toast, Tim has tips that can help YOU.
Written in bite-sized nuggets for easy digestion, his blog posts offer all sorts of advice that refreshes almost daily. You can search the blog for info. that's relevant to what you're facing.
One recent post is titled, "Handling the Unexpected." While it's geared toward those addressing a crowd, the fact is that Tim's suggestion are pertinent to people in a variety of situations, from one-on-one conversations (especially with a staff member or trainee) to difficult settings of mediation. In each of these times, a remarkable way to make a point is to put it in the form of a question—for example, "How do YOU think we should resolve the problem?"
Here's what Tim says about the subject:
"When you're asking ... a question in order to find a certain answer, sometimes someone says something that doesn't fit into your presentation. When this happens, the first thing you need to do is give the person credit for saying something. The next thing is to work on moving from their point to the point that you are looking for. One way to do this is to use the 'yes and' method. Once someone says something off of your topic, say something like, 'Yes, that is definitely one answer to the problem. And another thing to think about is ...,' then mention the point you wanted the person to bring up."
For more intimate circumstances—especially those where you're looking to teach another person (or a group of people), but want them to reach the same conclusions that you have on their own—it's vital to truly listen to the other's (or others') responses. Pay attention to their input, and see if you can weave it into the output that you're seeking (i.e., "I hear what you're saying about teamwork; I wonder if we could work as a team in this way ...").
Coming to a group consensus is important in conflict resolution, as well as audience participation. Using a well-crafted segue (see the definition below) can take you there—together.
Segue (SEG - way) - (v.) to proceed to what follows without a pause; to make a transition without interruption from one activity, topic, scene or part to another (as in, "She segued smoothly into the next story"); (n.) the act or instance of segueing; a transition to the next idea, etc.
And speaking of segues (how's that for a clumsy one?!), I've only gotten one response to the potential connection between the words conjugation and conjugal. So, keep looking for their correlation, friends!
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
My colleague Tim Wilson writes a blog (The Public Speaking Library) for—who else?—public speakers. Whether you're a professional presenter by trade, a teacher with class or simply someone who delivers the occasional industry workshop, office pitch or random wedding toast, Tim has tips that can help YOU.
Written in bite-sized nuggets for easy digestion, his blog posts offer all sorts of advice that refreshes almost daily. You can search the blog for info. that's relevant to what you're facing.
One recent post is titled, "Handling the Unexpected." While it's geared toward those addressing a crowd, the fact is that Tim's suggestion are pertinent to people in a variety of situations, from one-on-one conversations (especially with a staff member or trainee) to difficult settings of mediation. In each of these times, a remarkable way to make a point is to put it in the form of a question—for example, "How do YOU think we should resolve the problem?"
Here's what Tim says about the subject:
"When you're asking ... a question in order to find a certain answer, sometimes someone says something that doesn't fit into your presentation. When this happens, the first thing you need to do is give the person credit for saying something. The next thing is to work on moving from their point to the point that you are looking for. One way to do this is to use the 'yes and' method. Once someone says something off of your topic, say something like, 'Yes, that is definitely one answer to the problem. And another thing to think about is ...,' then mention the point you wanted the person to bring up."
For more intimate circumstances—especially those where you're looking to teach another person (or a group of people), but want them to reach the same conclusions that you have on their own—it's vital to truly listen to the other's (or others') responses. Pay attention to their input, and see if you can weave it into the output that you're seeking (i.e., "I hear what you're saying about teamwork; I wonder if we could work as a team in this way ...").
Coming to a group consensus is important in conflict resolution, as well as audience participation. Using a well-crafted segue (see the definition below) can take you there—together.
Segue (SEG - way) - (v.) to proceed to what follows without a pause; to make a transition without interruption from one activity, topic, scene or part to another (as in, "She segued smoothly into the next story"); (n.) the act or instance of segueing; a transition to the next idea, etc.
And speaking of segues (how's that for a clumsy one?!), I've only gotten one response to the potential connection between the words conjugation and conjugal. So, keep looking for their correlation, friends!
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 31, 2009
WORD OF THE WEEK: Inveigh vs. Inveigle
Last week, we looked at (and later this week, we'll study more) some of the principles of conflict resolution. Today, I want to compare and contrast two words that I DON'T recommend for peaceful problem-solving.
Inveigh (in-VAY) – (v.) to attack with words, or commit violent denunciation; etymologically, it comes from the Latin invehere, meaning "to carry against" (approx. 1486).
Inveigle (in-VAY-gil) – (v.) to win over by wiles; to acquire by ingenuity or flattery; to lure (as in, "She inveigled her way onto his team with flirtation"). Derived from the Latin aboculus, literally meaning "without eyes" (1490s–1540s), it means "to blindly win over by deceit; to seduce."
As they are written today, these words seem to have grown from the same root word, but the fact is that they come from two different word branches that have since grown together. Both refer to unflattering and controversial means of progress—one by outright conflict and the other by sly wiles. If you want to meet your own needs and care not for the bigger picture of your actions, you may attempt to inveigle the other party dishonestly. If that doesn't work, you may resort to inveighing the other party outright, a true sign of someone who is completely self-unaware.
However, if true peacemaking is the goal of your own personal conflict resolution, you may eventually (if not immediately) look for a longer-term solution—that also happens to sometimes take a little longer to work out: You may invoke a real response to lasting change by following the steps of honest self-awareness and respect for all involved through getting in touch with yourself and your wants, then listening to the other party.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Inveigh (in-VAY) – (v.) to attack with words, or commit violent denunciation; etymologically, it comes from the Latin invehere, meaning "to carry against" (approx. 1486).
Inveigle (in-VAY-gil) – (v.) to win over by wiles; to acquire by ingenuity or flattery; to lure (as in, "She inveigled her way onto his team with flirtation"). Derived from the Latin aboculus, literally meaning "without eyes" (1490s–1540s), it means "to blindly win over by deceit; to seduce."
As they are written today, these words seem to have grown from the same root word, but the fact is that they come from two different word branches that have since grown together. Both refer to unflattering and controversial means of progress—one by outright conflict and the other by sly wiles. If you want to meet your own needs and care not for the bigger picture of your actions, you may attempt to inveigle the other party dishonestly. If that doesn't work, you may resort to inveighing the other party outright, a true sign of someone who is completely self-unaware.
However, if true peacemaking is the goal of your own personal conflict resolution, you may eventually (if not immediately) look for a longer-term solution—that also happens to sometimes take a little longer to work out: You may invoke a real response to lasting change by following the steps of honest self-awareness and respect for all involved through getting in touch with yourself and your wants, then listening to the other party.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 26, 2009
TRULY SPEAKING: How to Say What You Mean
My website, KiKiProductionsInc.com, will soon be offering a communications e-course titled "Speak Your Truth"—and subtitled "How to Get What You Want by Saying What You Mean." There are no mind control techniques taught in this course, no tips on influencing others. Instead, the course is about honesty and respect.
But mostly, it's about applying honesty and respect to directness.
In our closest personal relationships, especially, we tend to learn how to dance around certain subjects, specifically those topics that have caused us emotional pain in the past: If you and your roommate or significant other have fought recently over whose turn it is to do the dishes to the point that it escalates into a shouting match, you may find yourself passive-aggressively hinting at how you think it's not your turn this time around. You may be surprised to find that he or she explodes with even more force at just the implication of the topic of dish-washing. What do you do then?
"Coming out with it, already" and saying exactly what's on your mind is the key. But it isn't the first step in the process to resolving this conflict. The first step, in fact, is to look inside yourself and determine how the subject makes you feel. Once you're completely honest with yourself and truly self-aware, then you can begin to accept that the person you wish to address has his or her own feelings over the issue—feelings that may or may not mirror your own.
Here are a couple of techniques to getting in touch with your deeper emotions, to make "saying what you mean" a safe process. Say what you mean to yourself first by:
1. Journaling – If you are already familiar with this process, you need no further instruction. Simply free-write in your journal until you have identified at least two key feelings that you have about the subject at hand. Be sure that the feelings you note are actual sentiments (such as scared, happy, anxious, angry, confused) and not thoughts in disguise (like, "I feel like he's doing this on purpose").
Re-read your entry. If you notice thoughts that you've written, make sure to attach a sentiment to them, i.e., "I feel like he's doing this on purpose—and that makes me resentful."
2. Self-Talk – Forget the old stereotype that talking to yourself is crazy. Sometimes, talking to yourself can keep you sane! Stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself, "How do I feel when I think about the dishes?" and then describe first the physical sensations you feel (sweaty palms, upset stomach, racing heart, etc.), followed by your emotions (nervous, irritated, hostile). Break it down into one sentence, such as, "When she doesn't wash the dishes she's used, I feel very angry." It's okay to use modifiers (like very or somewhat), because this helps you measure the feeling you have and be even more honest with yourself.
Affirmations are another form of self-talk that can help you keep your cool before entering into a confrontation. For example, if you find that you're afraid to stand up for yourself, but are harboring a resentment that's eating away at you inside, you might consider bolstering yourself with an affirmation prior to addressing the conflict. A good, affirmative sentence in this case would be, "I am confident that I can be honest about my feelings."
The next step to resolving the conflict is to have a conversation with the other person about your Dish War. For this step, listening is key. You can't listen to anyone else, however, until you have first listened to yourself and your own needs.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
But mostly, it's about applying honesty and respect to directness.
In our closest personal relationships, especially, we tend to learn how to dance around certain subjects, specifically those topics that have caused us emotional pain in the past: If you and your roommate or significant other have fought recently over whose turn it is to do the dishes to the point that it escalates into a shouting match, you may find yourself passive-aggressively hinting at how you think it's not your turn this time around. You may be surprised to find that he or she explodes with even more force at just the implication of the topic of dish-washing. What do you do then?
"Coming out with it, already" and saying exactly what's on your mind is the key. But it isn't the first step in the process to resolving this conflict. The first step, in fact, is to look inside yourself and determine how the subject makes you feel. Once you're completely honest with yourself and truly self-aware, then you can begin to accept that the person you wish to address has his or her own feelings over the issue—feelings that may or may not mirror your own.
Here are a couple of techniques to getting in touch with your deeper emotions, to make "saying what you mean" a safe process. Say what you mean to yourself first by:
1. Journaling – If you are already familiar with this process, you need no further instruction. Simply free-write in your journal until you have identified at least two key feelings that you have about the subject at hand. Be sure that the feelings you note are actual sentiments (such as scared, happy, anxious, angry, confused) and not thoughts in disguise (like, "I feel like he's doing this on purpose").
Re-read your entry. If you notice thoughts that you've written, make sure to attach a sentiment to them, i.e., "I feel like he's doing this on purpose—and that makes me resentful."
2. Self-Talk – Forget the old stereotype that talking to yourself is crazy. Sometimes, talking to yourself can keep you sane! Stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself, "How do I feel when I think about the dishes?" and then describe first the physical sensations you feel (sweaty palms, upset stomach, racing heart, etc.), followed by your emotions (nervous, irritated, hostile). Break it down into one sentence, such as, "When she doesn't wash the dishes she's used, I feel very angry." It's okay to use modifiers (like very or somewhat), because this helps you measure the feeling you have and be even more honest with yourself.
Affirmations are another form of self-talk that can help you keep your cool before entering into a confrontation. For example, if you find that you're afraid to stand up for yourself, but are harboring a resentment that's eating away at you inside, you might consider bolstering yourself with an affirmation prior to addressing the conflict. A good, affirmative sentence in this case would be, "I am confident that I can be honest about my feelings."
The next step to resolving the conflict is to have a conversation with the other person about your Dish War. For this step, listening is key. You can't listen to anyone else, however, until you have first listened to yourself and your own needs.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
May 20, 2009
TRULY SPEAKING: What do you truly want out of life?
Asking ourselves, "What do I really want the most?" is the best thing we can do—any time, any place, anywhere. But the answer can be quite different from, "What do I want right now?"
In Betsy Talbot's latest Married with Luggage blog post, she asks us to ask ourselves both of those questions—and then focus on what we learn from the differences in our answers. "What do I want right now?" can still be an important question. In fact, it can be the first question to start with in conflict resolution, especially if it's followed closely by Betsy's follow-up, "What do I want most?" (And the third and equally as important question in peace-making is always, "What do I have in common with the other party, or what do we both want?")
But Betsy asks some further thought-provoking questions this week: "What does your ideal lifestyle look like? Are you on your way to creating it? What is the hardest part for you?"
Here's my answer:
I most want to help people articulate their innermost desires for good, and to be a beacon of change for the world, one person at a time. (A friend once teased me, saying the title of my biography would be "Kealah Saves the World through Off-Hand Suggestion"!) I meet at least one small goal a day toward this greater good. The hardest part: patience!
What's your answer? I truly want to know ...
(c) KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
In Betsy Talbot's latest Married with Luggage blog post, she asks us to ask ourselves both of those questions—and then focus on what we learn from the differences in our answers. "What do I want right now?" can still be an important question. In fact, it can be the first question to start with in conflict resolution, especially if it's followed closely by Betsy's follow-up, "What do I want most?" (And the third and equally as important question in peace-making is always, "What do I have in common with the other party, or what do we both want?")
But Betsy asks some further thought-provoking questions this week: "What does your ideal lifestyle look like? Are you on your way to creating it? What is the hardest part for you?"
Here's my answer:
I most want to help people articulate their innermost desires for good, and to be a beacon of change for the world, one person at a time. (A friend once teased me, saying the title of my biography would be "Kealah Saves the World through Off-Hand Suggestion"!) I meet at least one small goal a day toward this greater good. The hardest part: patience!
What's your answer? I truly want to know ...
(c) KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
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