Summary: Yesterday, I embarked on a little adventure and tried something new: snorkeling. I relate the experiences of my brain and my body in today's post.
Have you ever been snorkeling? I have—finally! Before yesterday, I would have answered that question with, "No, but I'd love to one day." That one day arrived, yes, yesterday.
Let me start by explaining that I'm not the world's best swimmer. In fact, I tend to panic in the water. I have an irrational fear of drowning that cost me an A in gym class in high school when I failed to tread water for 30 minutes, because I just didn't believe it was possible for me. I also have a mild phobia of suffocation, and practice calming techniques when I'm in heavy crowds (where I can't see over others' shoulders, because I'm relatively short) or when I must wear something over my face (like breathing masks during heavy cleaning and yard work ... or snorkel masks!).
I let the Dive Bermuda team know right away that I was a first-time snorkeler. The crew was quick to accommodate me, asking me to hang back from the rest of the group—all experienced snorkelers and divers—so that they could help me into the wetsuit properly. Then they showed me how to clean my mask by spitting in it (not for the germaphobic!), and how to heavily breathe out through either my nose or mouth to clear water from the mask or the breathing tube.
The moment I learned water could leak into the mask—that it wasn't magically secured—I felt fear creep in like mild panic. I thought to myself, "I can handle this. I'm safe here with this team." And I willed the fearful thoughts away.
Then came the lack of confidence. I waded out waist-deep into the water as instructed and I practiced putting my face in the water to breathe through the tube. Surrounded by divers who were practicing going under, I began to mimic them. Only I couldn't stay down! My first time in a wetsuit, I didn't realize initially just how buoyant it made a body. When Kevin, the instructor assigned to me, called out to me to see how I was doing, I hollered, "I can't stay under!" And he replied, "That's a good thing!" He showed me how to lean over and put my mask in and reminded me that my goal at first was to practice looking at the sea floor and breathing through the tube, making sure the mask fit. When we were all satisfied with our practice, it was time to climb into the boat.
We drove further out from the ocean shore than I've ever been, which was still not far, considering how visible the shoreline was. The waters were choppy yesterday, and as we anchored, the boat began rocking heavily. Luckily, I have no fear of shipwreck or of going overboard, so I was simply able to enjoy this part. In fact, I was quite excited!
Kevin asked me to wait 'til all the crew and other divers and snorkelers had gone in. He gave me a flotation device (to go along with my wetsuit and fins) and told me to hop off the back of the boat from a sitting position, just as I'd seen the other snorkelers do.
As I sat on the edge of the boat, fear gripped me again—harder this time. I may as well have been back in high school, stalling on the edge of the high-dive while the rest of the class waited impatiently behind me. At least this time, I didn't have the fear of what my peers would say or think of me raging through my head. Kevin was patient. I acknowledged that I was nervous and he simply said, "Me, too." His honesty made me laugh and relaxed me enough that I was able to hold my breath and hop in with no problems. I grabbed the floaty, put the breathing tube in my mouth, and got ready for my semi-underwater adventure.
But Kevin had one more piece of instruction: Because of my aquatic fears, he wanted me to hang onto the life preserver that was tethered to the back of the boat. I swam to it almost gratefully, and began my peek under the water.
At my first glimpse of the sea floor—colorful coral reefs, small parrot fish who swam blissfully unconcerned with me—I smiled and said a small, automatic prayer of thanks. What an experience! Water leaked immediately into my mask (Kevin explained later that smiling pulls the mask away from the face and breaks the air seal) and got into my nose. I came up for air in a fresh panic and sputtered as I took the tube out—promptly forgetting to simply blow away the water—and trying to pull the mask off and empty the nose area out, all as a wave washed over me.
Kevin reeled the life preserver in closer to the boat, so that he could keep a better eye on me. The anchor it was tied to began banging against my leg, and the waves grew stronger as I was battered back and forth between all of the objects (flotation device, life preserver, anchor, boat, masked-and-suited-and-flippered self) bobbing around the ocean in one small area. Even after Kevin had me come back to the boat's stern and replace my mask with a smaller one (child-sized, I'm guessing, due to its bright green coloring), I continued to battle the same difficulties of water in my nose, waves over my head, and anchor line at my knees.
My thoughts began to go something like this: "This sucks. I can't do this. I'm going to drown. What was I thinking signing up to go snorkeling? I'm not a swimmer. And I've barely even seen anything. I should just get back in the boat and give up now."
And then I thought, "This is ridiculous. I paid a decent amount of money for this adventure, and I'm going to have it!" Fears began to diminish as I gained strength from somewhere within. My rational mind synchronized with my gut instinct and my heart, and I suddenly trusted not only the ocean and the snorkel gear, but myself, too.
I could hear all the other snorkelers calling out where they were seeing the most fish: away from the boat's waves. I let go of the preserver, put my face in the water and held onto the edges of my mask to press it against my face, then kick-paddled away from the boat in a solid fashion. Glorious! The world beneath me began to open up as I saw more and more coral and more and more fish in even more colors and sizes.
"Kealah!" I heard Kevin calling from somewhere far behind me as the water receded from my ears. I turned and saw him waving me back to the boat's life preserver. Sigh. It was, after all, his job to protect all of us, specifically me, the newbie. I took my time getting back to it and enjoyed all that I could.
What was I feeling in those brief moments of 'freedom'? Only this: bliss.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Jun 17, 2010
May 24, 2010
WORD OF THE WEEK: Vulnerable
Summary: How do you protect yourself from harm? And when do you feel threatened? Paying attention to your body can help you learn when you're really vulnerable--and when you only feel so, based on past experience. Learn about the word vulnerable in today's post.
We've been talking about sadness in its varying degrees, from "a little low" to major depression, and where such feelings start in the body. For a lot of people (maybe you're one of them), this can bring up a completely different feeling: vulnerability.
Vulnerability is a sensation that you feel everywhere--from your head to your toes and all points in between, especially in your bowels and your chest. Although it's a feeling that's part of the fear scale (file under "scared" versus "mad," "glad" or "sad"), being vulnerable does not always derive from fearful feelings. It can quite easily come from sadness, too.
Actually, you can feel vulnerable anytime, anywhere. (Raise your hand if you've ever had a panic attack.) To protect yourself from this, you might shift into other sentiments, like anger, as a sense of protection.
Let's look at the actual word to learn a little more:
Vulnerable (VOL - ner - uh - BUHL) - (adj.) being in a situation where one is likely to meet with harm; lacking protection from danger or resistance to attack.
It comes from the Late Latin vulnerabilis, meaning wounded. And that comes from the Latin verb vulnerare: to wound. Having entered the English language circa 1600, it's interesting that this word once shared both the act of wounding and receipt of the wound as a part of its definition and usage. After all, today we're most likely to put up our guards when we feel vulnerable ... even if the threat of harm is only in our minds.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
We've been talking about sadness in its varying degrees, from "a little low" to major depression, and where such feelings start in the body. For a lot of people (maybe you're one of them), this can bring up a completely different feeling: vulnerability.
Vulnerability is a sensation that you feel everywhere--from your head to your toes and all points in between, especially in your bowels and your chest. Although it's a feeling that's part of the fear scale (file under "scared" versus "mad," "glad" or "sad"), being vulnerable does not always derive from fearful feelings. It can quite easily come from sadness, too.
Actually, you can feel vulnerable anytime, anywhere. (Raise your hand if you've ever had a panic attack.) To protect yourself from this, you might shift into other sentiments, like anger, as a sense of protection.
Let's look at the actual word to learn a little more:
Vulnerable (VOL - ner - uh - BUHL) - (adj.) being in a situation where one is likely to meet with harm; lacking protection from danger or resistance to attack.
It comes from the Late Latin vulnerabilis, meaning wounded. And that comes from the Latin verb vulnerare: to wound. Having entered the English language circa 1600, it's interesting that this word once shared both the act of wounding and receipt of the wound as a part of its definition and usage. After all, today we're most likely to put up our guards when we feel vulnerable ... even if the threat of harm is only in our minds.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
May 19, 2010
Where Does Depression Start?
Summary: Where does depression start? It starts with sadness. Find out how and where sadness starts for you.
You probably know the commercials that say, "Where does depression hurt? Everywhere." Frankly, I don't like the despondent background music or faded lighting meant to convey depression--although I will say they do a great job with it in those commercials. But I'm asking the question, anyway: Where does depression hurt?
More accurately, where do you feel sadness in your body, whether it's a painful feeling or something else?
Generally speaking, all emotions start in roughly the same place on everyone: The center. For anger, this can be the center of your face, such as a clenched jaw. For both happiness and fear, it's likely in the belly or the solar plexus (butterflies in the stomach, for instance, or an eager thrill of excitement). But for sadness, the feeling likely originates in your heart center.
This isn't true for everyone, of course. (I have one client who notices most of his emotions in his forehead!) But a heavy feeling in the chest, a lump in the throat or slumped shoulders usually signify the onset of serious sadness.
Do you know where your own sad feelings start in your body? To learn for yourself, practice making a note--literally--by writing down each time you feel very sad and what your body feels like. The more detailed you are with your observations, such as, "I feel like crying and my back hurts and my arms feel weightless, but my stomach and chest are tight," the easier it will become for you to identify your sad feelings--both physically and emotionally--before they become unbearable.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
You probably know the commercials that say, "Where does depression hurt? Everywhere." Frankly, I don't like the despondent background music or faded lighting meant to convey depression--although I will say they do a great job with it in those commercials. But I'm asking the question, anyway: Where does depression hurt?
More accurately, where do you feel sadness in your body, whether it's a painful feeling or something else?
Generally speaking, all emotions start in roughly the same place on everyone: The center. For anger, this can be the center of your face, such as a clenched jaw. For both happiness and fear, it's likely in the belly or the solar plexus (butterflies in the stomach, for instance, or an eager thrill of excitement). But for sadness, the feeling likely originates in your heart center.
This isn't true for everyone, of course. (I have one client who notices most of his emotions in his forehead!) But a heavy feeling in the chest, a lump in the throat or slumped shoulders usually signify the onset of serious sadness.
Do you know where your own sad feelings start in your body? To learn for yourself, practice making a note--literally--by writing down each time you feel very sad and what your body feels like. The more detailed you are with your observations, such as, "I feel like crying and my back hurts and my arms feel weightless, but my stomach and chest are tight," the easier it will become for you to identify your sad feelings--both physically and emotionally--before they become unbearable.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
May 3, 2010
WORD OF THE WEEK: Horripilation
Summary: This week's featured word will make the baby hairs on the back of your neck stand up on end. It might even make your skin crawl. After all, it is quite horripilating ...
Ever been horrified? Sometimes fear is healthy (we'll cover that topic more later this week). And sometimes it's just downright scary. What does fear feel like?
Every emotion has a physical sensation that corresponds to it. Fear often starts as a tingling queasiness in the stomach. Sheer horror, on the other hand, assaults the entire body: You get weak in the knees, your heart pounds in your ears and drops into your stomach which is already doing flip-flops, and the hairs on your arms and neck stand up on end, prickling your skin. This skin-prickling sensation is known as "goose bumps," or "goose flesh," so called for the similar appearance to a plucked goose's skin.
This "goose pimple" effect is actually called horripilation. From the Latin words horrere and pilus, meaning "horror" and "hair," it specifically pertains to the standing-up-on-end bristling of your body hair when you're cold, irritated or extremely frightened by something. (Think of the first time you ever visited a haunted house!)
The word horripilation (hor - IH - pih - LAY - shun) entered the English language as it was handed down from similar word usages in the languages of Italian, Portuguese, Spanish and French.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Ever been horrified? Sometimes fear is healthy (we'll cover that topic more later this week). And sometimes it's just downright scary. What does fear feel like?
Every emotion has a physical sensation that corresponds to it. Fear often starts as a tingling queasiness in the stomach. Sheer horror, on the other hand, assaults the entire body: You get weak in the knees, your heart pounds in your ears and drops into your stomach which is already doing flip-flops, and the hairs on your arms and neck stand up on end, prickling your skin. This skin-prickling sensation is known as "goose bumps," or "goose flesh," so called for the similar appearance to a plucked goose's skin.
This "goose pimple" effect is actually called horripilation. From the Latin words horrere and pilus, meaning "horror" and "hair," it specifically pertains to the standing-up-on-end bristling of your body hair when you're cold, irritated or extremely frightened by something. (Think of the first time you ever visited a haunted house!)
The word horripilation (hor - IH - pih - LAY - shun) entered the English language as it was handed down from similar word usages in the languages of Italian, Portuguese, Spanish and French.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Apr 28, 2010
What Is Bravery?
Summary: We've just finished a series of blog posts on fear and how to overcome it. This week's news about the Bystander Effect has compelled me to ask you for your personal experiences with bravery ...
I was appalled to read the news headlines this week about the many cases of people in dire need of help who publicly went ignored, such as Kitty Genovese in 1964 and the most recent case of Hugo Alfredo Tale-Yax.
In both of these cases, large numbers of people stood by as someone was assaulted and eventually murdered, watching various portions of the assault in plain view. Because of the publicity received in the 1964 case, this sadly common occurrence has come to be known as the Genovese Bystander Effect.
How does it work? Part of our brains' survivalist instinct knows that each of us is safer in a group. (If a Tyrannosaurus is busy gobbling up your friend, chances are greater that you can run to the safety of a cave in the meantime.) Growing up, I had a friend whose mother used to tell her to stick with the pack--and to turn tail and run to hide if someone shady approached, because of the "safety in numbers."
It's this safety-in-numbers mentality that often causes people in a group to not act when someone outside of the group needs help. People assume someone else is "doing something about it" (although just what is unclear). The converse is true for groups when just one person takes a step toward action. Acts of kindness--and bravery--spur on other such acts that become contagious to the group, studies show. Gail's story (shared on my Facebook fan page) shows this:
"A few years ago I decided to buy some makeup on my lunch hour. I was at the counter paying for my purchases, when from behind me I heard something like, 'This is a stick up. Put all your money in the bag.' When I turned around, a masked man was pointing a gun at me. He was actually talking to the cashier who was in front of me. After she took the money out of the cash register and put it in his brown paper bag, he directed everyone in the store (abut 15-20 customers) to go to the back room and get in a very, very small closet. He sent in a paper bag and told everyone to put all their cash in the bag and pass it back out to him, then 'shut the door and don't come out.' There was no light in the closet--pitch dark--and we were crammed in like sardines! He proceeded to steal items from the store and leave.
"We didn't know when it was safe to make a noise or come out. Finally, (someone) cracked the door and I hollered out, 'Hello. Are you there.' That was my little bit of bravery, wondering if he was going to come back and ask who said that! He was caught a couple of weeks later, robbing another business."
As a group, bravery became contagious at the end of the burglary. One person's cracking the door allowed Gail to contribute her voice to their attempted 'escape' from the closet. Can you imagine how much longer their terror could have lasted if no one had been willing to defy the thief's directive?
How have you bravely contributed (or stood by hoping another will put things right) to a situation that caused you fear? Share your stories--and I'll share mine later this week.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
I was appalled to read the news headlines this week about the many cases of people in dire need of help who publicly went ignored, such as Kitty Genovese in 1964 and the most recent case of Hugo Alfredo Tale-Yax.
In both of these cases, large numbers of people stood by as someone was assaulted and eventually murdered, watching various portions of the assault in plain view. Because of the publicity received in the 1964 case, this sadly common occurrence has come to be known as the Genovese Bystander Effect.
How does it work? Part of our brains' survivalist instinct knows that each of us is safer in a group. (If a Tyrannosaurus is busy gobbling up your friend, chances are greater that you can run to the safety of a cave in the meantime.) Growing up, I had a friend whose mother used to tell her to stick with the pack--and to turn tail and run to hide if someone shady approached, because of the "safety in numbers."
It's this safety-in-numbers mentality that often causes people in a group to not act when someone outside of the group needs help. People assume someone else is "doing something about it" (although just what is unclear). The converse is true for groups when just one person takes a step toward action. Acts of kindness--and bravery--spur on other such acts that become contagious to the group, studies show. Gail's story (shared on my Facebook fan page) shows this:
"A few years ago I decided to buy some makeup on my lunch hour. I was at the counter paying for my purchases, when from behind me I heard something like, 'This is a stick up. Put all your money in the bag.' When I turned around, a masked man was pointing a gun at me. He was actually talking to the cashier who was in front of me. After she took the money out of the cash register and put it in his brown paper bag, he directed everyone in the store (abut 15-20 customers) to go to the back room and get in a very, very small closet. He sent in a paper bag and told everyone to put all their cash in the bag and pass it back out to him, then 'shut the door and don't come out.' There was no light in the closet--pitch dark--and we were crammed in like sardines! He proceeded to steal items from the store and leave.
"We didn't know when it was safe to make a noise or come out. Finally, (someone) cracked the door and I hollered out, 'Hello. Are you there.' That was my little bit of bravery, wondering if he was going to come back and ask who said that! He was caught a couple of weeks later, robbing another business."
As a group, bravery became contagious at the end of the burglary. One person's cracking the door allowed Gail to contribute her voice to their attempted 'escape' from the closet. Can you imagine how much longer their terror could have lasted if no one had been willing to defy the thief's directive?
How have you bravely contributed (or stood by hoping another will put things right) to a situation that caused you fear? Share your stories--and I'll share mine later this week.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Apr 26, 2010
WORD OF THE WEEK: Vigilant
Summary: Every week, this blog shares background and definition info. on one word or set of related words in an effort to help YOU improve your vocabulary and speak your truth more clearly and concisely. Today, we take a look at a brave little word: vigilant.
In the 1400s, European clans were constantly under the threat of attack. Their primitive brains (evolution-wise) put the fight-or-flight mechanism to good use, often choosing to stand ground and fight with warrior mentalities.
No matter the size of the clan, it was common practice in such times for at least one watchman to stand guard, keeping vigil over the area night and day in an effort to stave off--or at least spot in advance--any attempted attacks from rival clans. And this is how we came to know the word vigilant.
Vigilare, the Latin for "to keep watch" or "to stay awake," has mutated into the English adjective
vigilant (VIH - jehl - ENT), which now means "alertly watchful, especially to avoid danger."
We must be vigilant against fear, ever on the lookout for those bodily sensations that remind us that we have fears, if we want to speak clearly at all times. Vigilantly searching your own body for feelings can help you be honest with yourself and with your world, regardless of the emotions that try to hold you back. Speak your truth--with vigilance--today.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
In the 1400s, European clans were constantly under the threat of attack. Their primitive brains (evolution-wise) put the fight-or-flight mechanism to good use, often choosing to stand ground and fight with warrior mentalities.
No matter the size of the clan, it was common practice in such times for at least one watchman to stand guard, keeping vigil over the area night and day in an effort to stave off--or at least spot in advance--any attempted attacks from rival clans. And this is how we came to know the word vigilant.
Vigilare, the Latin for "to keep watch" or "to stay awake," has mutated into the English adjective
vigilant (VIH - jehl - ENT), which now means "alertly watchful, especially to avoid danger."
We must be vigilant against fear, ever on the lookout for those bodily sensations that remind us that we have fears, if we want to speak clearly at all times. Vigilantly searching your own body for feelings can help you be honest with yourself and with your world, regardless of the emotions that try to hold you back. Speak your truth--with vigilance--today.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Apr 23, 2010
Kealah's Personal Update
You may have noticed that Beyond Talk looks a little different ... again. Here's a run-down of some of the changes that have been made to the blog recently:
- Speak your truth! Participate in the poll. You checked out the last poll--"What stops your from speaking your truth?"--and the tallied votes showed that fear is the number one emotion that holds you back. So, now I'm asking you, "How do you overcome your fear?" Don't be afraid to speak up and share! You can find the old poll--and all closed polls to come in the future--located at the very bottom of the blog site's left-hand column.
- Book me on GigSalad.com! Looking for a speaker or entertainer for your next meeting or event? The button added to the very top of this blog page takes you directly to my profile on that great clearinghouse for professional speakers, emcees, bands and other entertainers for your party, event, corporate meeting or--in my case--workshop. I'm available for panel discussions, lectures and various workshops, such as lunch-and-learn occasions. (Of course, you can always contact me directly via my website, but GigSalad.com gives you a great selection to choose from. Choose wisely!)
- Groooooow: I'm also on SelfGrowth.com, a fantastic resource for all things personal-growth-related. Click the banner link on the left-hand side of the page, just under my Twitter and Facebook links (and right above my blogroll list of all the awesome blogs I recommend for YOU)! Let's grow together.
Have a great weekend.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
- Speak your truth! Participate in the poll. You checked out the last poll--"What stops your from speaking your truth?"--and the tallied votes showed that fear is the number one emotion that holds you back. So, now I'm asking you, "How do you overcome your fear?" Don't be afraid to speak up and share! You can find the old poll--and all closed polls to come in the future--located at the very bottom of the blog site's left-hand column.
- Book me on GigSalad.com! Looking for a speaker or entertainer for your next meeting or event? The button added to the very top of this blog page takes you directly to my profile on that great clearinghouse for professional speakers, emcees, bands and other entertainers for your party, event, corporate meeting or--in my case--workshop. I'm available for panel discussions, lectures and various workshops, such as lunch-and-learn occasions. (Of course, you can always contact me directly via my website, but GigSalad.com gives you a great selection to choose from. Choose wisely!)
- Groooooow: I'm also on SelfGrowth.com, a fantastic resource for all things personal-growth-related. Click the banner link on the left-hand side of the page, just under my Twitter and Facebook links (and right above my blogroll list of all the awesome blogs I recommend for YOU)! Let's grow together.
Have a great weekend.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Apr 21, 2010
New Poll: How Do You Overcome Fear?
Summary: In my new blog poll (located in the left-hand column of the web page), I ask you to share just how you overcome fear. If you can't answer that question, what's holding you back?
The new burning question on the Beyond Talk blog is "How do you overcome fear?"
We've been learning about ways to do this for weeks now (years really, if you search the blog archive in the left-hand column). But I'm not interested in hearing what we've learned together. I'm interested in hearing what works for you. How do you, personally, overcome your own fears? Even if the answer is something that we have covered here, I want to know: What do you do when fear trips you up and threatens your ability to communicate clearly, either to yourself or to others?
You can take the poll (also located in the left-hand side of the page near the top). And you can also respond in the comments section to this blog post. If you're a Facebook fan and you're reading this in my Facebook Notes, you can comment there. And if we're connected on LinkedIn, feel free to drop me a message with your answers!
Share your strength with the world today. ... C'mon, don't be chicken!
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
The new burning question on the Beyond Talk blog is "How do you overcome fear?"
We've been learning about ways to do this for weeks now (years really, if you search the blog archive in the left-hand column). But I'm not interested in hearing what we've learned together. I'm interested in hearing what works for you. How do you, personally, overcome your own fears? Even if the answer is something that we have covered here, I want to know: What do you do when fear trips you up and threatens your ability to communicate clearly, either to yourself or to others?
You can take the poll (also located in the left-hand side of the page near the top). And you can also respond in the comments section to this blog post. If you're a Facebook fan and you're reading this in my Facebook Notes, you can comment there. And if we're connected on LinkedIn, feel free to drop me a message with your answers!
Share your strength with the world today. ... C'mon, don't be chicken!
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Apr 19, 2010
WORD OF THE WEEK: Pusillanimous
Summary: Wrapping up our series on fear, we end with the word of the week, pusillanimous. Don't be cowardly about sharing tricks that help you to bravely face and defeat your fears!
Pusillanimous (PYOO - sil - AN - eh - mus) - (adj.) cowardly; lacking courage and conviction; contemptibly timid.
From the Latin words pusillus (meaning very small) and animus (meaning spirit), the word pusillanimous skulked into the English language around 1586. When you let fear override your sense of self for any reason, either at work or in your personal life, you behave pusillanimously. You can end up not only disappointing yourself and others around you, but even buying into self-loathing afterward.
What's the remedy to this? What do YOU do to talk yourself out of wimpy behavior and into bravely defeating that old nemesis, fear? Share your tips today!
I'll start: When I'm feeling fearful, one thing I like to do is repeat an affirmation (I use several that I can select from to fit the situation at hand) that makes me feel stronger inside. I've recommended this to family members, friends, and of course, to clients. It's a cinch! Bravery comes easily with the right affirmation. Then it's: Goodbye, puny and pusillanimous self-pity! Forget fear and welcome to wisdom. ... So, what works for you?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Pusillanimous (PYOO - sil - AN - eh - mus) - (adj.) cowardly; lacking courage and conviction; contemptibly timid.
From the Latin words pusillus (meaning very small) and animus (meaning spirit), the word pusillanimous skulked into the English language around 1586. When you let fear override your sense of self for any reason, either at work or in your personal life, you behave pusillanimously. You can end up not only disappointing yourself and others around you, but even buying into self-loathing afterward.
What's the remedy to this? What do YOU do to talk yourself out of wimpy behavior and into bravely defeating that old nemesis, fear? Share your tips today!
I'll start: When I'm feeling fearful, one thing I like to do is repeat an affirmation (I use several that I can select from to fit the situation at hand) that makes me feel stronger inside. I've recommended this to family members, friends, and of course, to clients. It's a cinch! Bravery comes easily with the right affirmation. Then it's: Goodbye, puny and pusillanimous self-pity! Forget fear and welcome to wisdom. ... So, what works for you?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Apr 14, 2010
Fight Fear with Positive Thinking
Summary: Fear and other negative emotions can routinely block you from living your most successful life. This post contains a straight-forward, seven-step process for quickly converting fear to confidence. And it all takes place in your own head!
The power of positive thinking can change your life in both big and small ways. You've already seen it in action. But it's often easy to miss. The more attention you give it, however--being consciously mindful of cultivating good thoughts--the dozens more daily moments you begin to witness where feelings like fear are replaced with ones like harmony.
So, how do you cultivate positivity? Emotions are a natural part of the human experience. The last thing I would ever advise you to do is ignore them or try to instantly change them. (More on this later*.) But once you've done the personal work of figuring out which emotions work against you on a regular basis--and in what specific situations you most often find that this happens--you can begin to see the negative patterns that some of your more negative emotions have on your success in life.
Fear is a common emotional roadblock to success. The next time you find yourself in the same old situation that commonly keeps you back--whether it's in asking for help when you need it; being honest about your needs with a romantic partner; speaking up to take credit at work; saying, "No," to extra responsibilities in a professional or volunteer setting--try these helpful tricks for converting fear into calm confidence:
(1) Know that fear is chemically made up of a lot of the same neuro-components as excitement. If you start from this fact, you can readily move from the fear end of the scale to the excited end with just a few additional thoughts.
(2) Remember that all emotionally-based thinking is subjective. More importantly, nothing subjective is ever 100% true.
(3) Be open-minded. It's hard to be open-minded when you're afraid or otherwise negative. But if you can tell yourself that your fear-based thoughts aren't trustworthy right now, you can likely suspend those thoughts and then be open to thinking new ones.
(4) Think of the thoughts that are holding you back (i.e., "I'll look foolish if I ask for help" or "People will think less of me if they learn I don't know the answer") and find ways to poke holes in them. Using your knowledge from points #2 and #3, search out reasons your negative, fearful thoughts are wrong (such as, "Lots of people don't care if I know the answer" or "People who judge me probably have their own fears of looking stupid--my own opinion of myself is the one that counts"). You can even try substituting the opposite statement to see how that makes you feel. Check out Byron Katie's The Work for more on this point, especially noting her "4 questions."
(5) Find the humor in your original thoughts. The more you can laugh at yourself, the more you can turn your fear-based brain chemistry into that of excitement. Do whatever works for you: Perhaps think of humorous situations in movies you've seen or books you've read that can help you to laugh at fear in general (say, Steve Martin in The Jerk, running from the man who "hates cans")--or even your specific circumstance.
(6) Breathe deeply and smile. Both of these will naturally change your brain's chemistry, plus regulate your Central Nervous System to produce that calm and confident feeling. Pairing these actions with the following step's suggestion is best.
(7) Think of a reason to do what you're afraid of doing. Sample ideas may include: "What do I have to lose? If I don't ask for help, I'll never know--and then I'll always be afraid to look stupid on this subject! Sweet, silly little me."
*For some insight into recognizing your emotions, check out some of these past posts:
4 Basic Types of Self-Talk
WORD OF THE WEEK: Integrating Integrity
Checklist for Customized Affirmations
WORD OF THE WEEK: Neuro-Typical
How to Say What You Mean
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
The power of positive thinking can change your life in both big and small ways. You've already seen it in action. But it's often easy to miss. The more attention you give it, however--being consciously mindful of cultivating good thoughts--the dozens more daily moments you begin to witness where feelings like fear are replaced with ones like harmony.
So, how do you cultivate positivity? Emotions are a natural part of the human experience. The last thing I would ever advise you to do is ignore them or try to instantly change them. (More on this later*.) But once you've done the personal work of figuring out which emotions work against you on a regular basis--and in what specific situations you most often find that this happens--you can begin to see the negative patterns that some of your more negative emotions have on your success in life.
Fear is a common emotional roadblock to success. The next time you find yourself in the same old situation that commonly keeps you back--whether it's in asking for help when you need it; being honest about your needs with a romantic partner; speaking up to take credit at work; saying, "No," to extra responsibilities in a professional or volunteer setting--try these helpful tricks for converting fear into calm confidence:
(1) Know that fear is chemically made up of a lot of the same neuro-components as excitement. If you start from this fact, you can readily move from the fear end of the scale to the excited end with just a few additional thoughts.
(2) Remember that all emotionally-based thinking is subjective. More importantly, nothing subjective is ever 100% true.
(3) Be open-minded. It's hard to be open-minded when you're afraid or otherwise negative. But if you can tell yourself that your fear-based thoughts aren't trustworthy right now, you can likely suspend those thoughts and then be open to thinking new ones.
(4) Think of the thoughts that are holding you back (i.e., "I'll look foolish if I ask for help" or "People will think less of me if they learn I don't know the answer") and find ways to poke holes in them. Using your knowledge from points #2 and #3, search out reasons your negative, fearful thoughts are wrong (such as, "Lots of people don't care if I know the answer" or "People who judge me probably have their own fears of looking stupid--my own opinion of myself is the one that counts"). You can even try substituting the opposite statement to see how that makes you feel. Check out Byron Katie's The Work for more on this point, especially noting her "4 questions."
(5) Find the humor in your original thoughts. The more you can laugh at yourself, the more you can turn your fear-based brain chemistry into that of excitement. Do whatever works for you: Perhaps think of humorous situations in movies you've seen or books you've read that can help you to laugh at fear in general (say, Steve Martin in The Jerk, running from the man who "hates cans")--or even your specific circumstance.
(6) Breathe deeply and smile. Both of these will naturally change your brain's chemistry, plus regulate your Central Nervous System to produce that calm and confident feeling. Pairing these actions with the following step's suggestion is best.
(7) Think of a reason to do what you're afraid of doing. Sample ideas may include: "What do I have to lose? If I don't ask for help, I'll never know--and then I'll always be afraid to look stupid on this subject! Sweet, silly little me."
*For some insight into recognizing your emotions, check out some of these past posts:
4 Basic Types of Self-Talk
WORD OF THE WEEK: Integrating Integrity
Checklist for Customized Affirmations
WORD OF THE WEEK: Neuro-Typical
How to Say What You Mean
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Apr 12, 2010
WORD OF THE WEEK: Phobia
Summary: Every Monday, Beyond Talk explores one word—including pronunciation, definition and etymology—to help you improve your vocabulary. Today, we look at a word that goes with our current blog post series on fear: phobia.
Fear is a human response. We may not like it much, but the fact is, it's adaptive: Fear protects us from harm by sending signals to our brains that make us fight for survival or flee for safety. Sometimes, however, fear makes us freeze up and sends us into an unnecessary panic that prevents our ability to assess the situation clearly. This is when the natural reaction of fear changes from friend to enemy.
A phobia (FO - BEE - ya) is a fear-based belief system that petrifies, or freezes, someone with fright. From the original Greek phobos for fear, this word entered into common English usage in 1786. According to Merriam-Webster.com, it is "an exaggerated, usually inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects or situation."
Common phobias include:
Acrophobia - fear of heights
Agorophobia - an extreme fear of open spaces (highly extreme sufferers sometimes refuse to leave their home for years on end)
Arachnaphobia - fear of spiders
Cynophobia - an excessive fear of dogs
Hydrophobia - fear of water (also a symptom of rabies)
Mysophobia - the compulsive fear of dirt and germs
Pteromerhanophobia - fear of flying
Trypanophobia - the fear of shots, needles, injections
For more phobia categories, check out this online Top 10 List, also from Merriam-Webster. (Number 10 is, darkly, my favorite.) We all have some aversions. What makes you phobic?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Fear is a human response. We may not like it much, but the fact is, it's adaptive: Fear protects us from harm by sending signals to our brains that make us fight for survival or flee for safety. Sometimes, however, fear makes us freeze up and sends us into an unnecessary panic that prevents our ability to assess the situation clearly. This is when the natural reaction of fear changes from friend to enemy.
A phobia (FO - BEE - ya) is a fear-based belief system that petrifies, or freezes, someone with fright. From the original Greek phobos for fear, this word entered into common English usage in 1786. According to Merriam-Webster.com, it is "an exaggerated, usually inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects or situation."
Common phobias include:
Acrophobia - fear of heights
Agorophobia - an extreme fear of open spaces (highly extreme sufferers sometimes refuse to leave their home for years on end)
Arachnaphobia - fear of spiders
Cynophobia - an excessive fear of dogs
Hydrophobia - fear of water (also a symptom of rabies)
Mysophobia - the compulsive fear of dirt and germs
Pteromerhanophobia - fear of flying
Trypanophobia - the fear of shots, needles, injections
For more phobia categories, check out this online Top 10 List, also from Merriam-Webster. (Number 10 is, darkly, my favorite.) We all have some aversions. What makes you phobic?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Apr 9, 2010
5 Links to Learn How to Overcome Fear
Happy Friday! Here are some more wonderful links to help you understand ways to overcome your fears. Don't let fear stop you from speaking your truth.
5 Life-Changing Keys to Overcoming Your Fears (from The Positivity Blog)
Overcoming Fears (via LiveStrong.com)
How to Overcome Fear (8 simple steps from WikiHow)
Overcoming Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt (article by John D. Moore)
Overcoming Fear (YouTube video from a Buddhist perspective)
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
5 Life-Changing Keys to Overcoming Your Fears (from The Positivity Blog)
Overcoming Fears (via LiveStrong.com)
How to Overcome Fear (8 simple steps from WikiHow)
Overcoming Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt (article by John D. Moore)
Overcoming Fear (YouTube video from a Buddhist perspective)
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Apr 8, 2010
The Connection Between Fear & Writer's Block (Link)
Today's quick post provides the link to one of my favorite websites, copyblogger. This blogger's resource has tips on everything you can think of—and their solutions aren't just limited to the blog world. The link below is the perfect example, because its advice on overcoming writer's block (and overcoming fear—in all its various forms) can be applied to any writing project. Check it out!
www.copyblogger.com/writers-block/
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
www.copyblogger.com/writers-block/
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Apr 7, 2010
Fear is Pernicious! Put it in its Place
Summary: Building off of this week's vocabulary word, pernicious, we take a look at the emotion you voted as top on your list in blocking your ability to speak clearly. Today's post kicks off a series on fear and how to overcome it.
Fear is pernicious. It can stop you from doing the things you love and can keep you from moving forward. RyanS recently wrote to say that fear often keeps him from growing in romantic relationships. How does fear hold you back?
In Beyond Talk's poll, "What Stops You From Speaking Your Truth?" you rated fear as the number one emotion that holds you back from saying what you mean. (Sadness was number two, followed by anger, excitement and "other.") And how can you get what you want out of life if you can't really speak your own personal truth? How can you go for your dreams if you can't be honest with yourself about what they are?
Here are some ways to recognize your fears, so they don't turn into phobias:
(1) Know what fear feels like. All emotions manifest themselves physically, so pay attention to what your body feels like when you realize you're afraid. Most people experience some combination of shallow breathing, rapid heart rhythm and a tightening in the stomach. A numbness in the extremities, especially the hands, is also common.
(2) Note what's causing the physical fear. Often, it's easier to recognize the physical sensations of your emotions than it is to name their underlying purpose. But give it a try—even if it's scary. Think about where you are when such feelings arise; then note who is around you (they may be related to the fearfulness) and, if possible, why you think the frightening feelings have stricken you.
(3) Keep practicing. The more frequently you do steps 1 and 2 above, the easier it will eventually become to recognize fear right as it's starting. When you have the ability to know your fear as (or before!) it arises, you are empowered to stop it in its tracks.
We'll look more deeply into some of the root causes of fear, how it affects our lives (both for better and for worse) and how we can change it as our series continues. What does fear do to YOU?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Fear is pernicious. It can stop you from doing the things you love and can keep you from moving forward. RyanS recently wrote to say that fear often keeps him from growing in romantic relationships. How does fear hold you back?
In Beyond Talk's poll, "What Stops You From Speaking Your Truth?" you rated fear as the number one emotion that holds you back from saying what you mean. (Sadness was number two, followed by anger, excitement and "other.") And how can you get what you want out of life if you can't really speak your own personal truth? How can you go for your dreams if you can't be honest with yourself about what they are?
Here are some ways to recognize your fears, so they don't turn into phobias:
(1) Know what fear feels like. All emotions manifest themselves physically, so pay attention to what your body feels like when you realize you're afraid. Most people experience some combination of shallow breathing, rapid heart rhythm and a tightening in the stomach. A numbness in the extremities, especially the hands, is also common.
(2) Note what's causing the physical fear. Often, it's easier to recognize the physical sensations of your emotions than it is to name their underlying purpose. But give it a try—even if it's scary. Think about where you are when such feelings arise; then note who is around you (they may be related to the fearfulness) and, if possible, why you think the frightening feelings have stricken you.
(3) Keep practicing. The more frequently you do steps 1 and 2 above, the easier it will eventually become to recognize fear right as it's starting. When you have the ability to know your fear as (or before!) it arises, you are empowered to stop it in its tracks.
We'll look more deeply into some of the root causes of fear, how it affects our lives (both for better and for worse) and how we can change it as our series continues. What does fear do to YOU?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
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