Summary: Glad, mad, sad and scared: These are the four basic emotions of every human being. On the light end of the glad scale, you'll find today's WOW word: affable.
Laid back. Easygoing. Relaxed. Each of these words describes me and my husband this week: We're spending some time in paradise.
Although our journey has a work element to it, we're finding it hard to be stressed—or even in a hurry!—while we're lounging on the island. Events that normally might work us up emotionally back home just aren't getting their usual rise out of us right now. Our attitudes are solely affable.
"What's affable?" you ask. Lucky for you it just so happens to be Monday, when I blog about the Word of the Week.
Affable (AFF - uh - BUHL) - an adjective that derives from the Latin word affari, meaning "to speak to," and connotes a friendly, pleasant, easygoing disposition. The phrase "affable gentleman" is common for this reason.
Brought to English in the 15th century, affability is something commonly witnessed at parties and other social events where people are seen to be enjoying themselves. You may behave affably even when you feel surly on the inside—however, genuine affability is easy to observe, and feigned (or faked) affability is generally not considered to be very affable behavior, after all. ... Think about it! I'm sure you'll agree.
And, well, if you don't agree with me, I'm not one for arguing this week. If you could see through the computer screen, you'd find me nodding my head and giving you an affable smile.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Showing posts with label 4 basic emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 4 basic emotions. Show all posts
Jun 14, 2010
May 24, 2010
WORD OF THE WEEK: Vulnerable
Summary: How do you protect yourself from harm? And when do you feel threatened? Paying attention to your body can help you learn when you're really vulnerable--and when you only feel so, based on past experience. Learn about the word vulnerable in today's post.
We've been talking about sadness in its varying degrees, from "a little low" to major depression, and where such feelings start in the body. For a lot of people (maybe you're one of them), this can bring up a completely different feeling: vulnerability.
Vulnerability is a sensation that you feel everywhere--from your head to your toes and all points in between, especially in your bowels and your chest. Although it's a feeling that's part of the fear scale (file under "scared" versus "mad," "glad" or "sad"), being vulnerable does not always derive from fearful feelings. It can quite easily come from sadness, too.
Actually, you can feel vulnerable anytime, anywhere. (Raise your hand if you've ever had a panic attack.) To protect yourself from this, you might shift into other sentiments, like anger, as a sense of protection.
Let's look at the actual word to learn a little more:
Vulnerable (VOL - ner - uh - BUHL) - (adj.) being in a situation where one is likely to meet with harm; lacking protection from danger or resistance to attack.
It comes from the Late Latin vulnerabilis, meaning wounded. And that comes from the Latin verb vulnerare: to wound. Having entered the English language circa 1600, it's interesting that this word once shared both the act of wounding and receipt of the wound as a part of its definition and usage. After all, today we're most likely to put up our guards when we feel vulnerable ... even if the threat of harm is only in our minds.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
We've been talking about sadness in its varying degrees, from "a little low" to major depression, and where such feelings start in the body. For a lot of people (maybe you're one of them), this can bring up a completely different feeling: vulnerability.
Vulnerability is a sensation that you feel everywhere--from your head to your toes and all points in between, especially in your bowels and your chest. Although it's a feeling that's part of the fear scale (file under "scared" versus "mad," "glad" or "sad"), being vulnerable does not always derive from fearful feelings. It can quite easily come from sadness, too.
Actually, you can feel vulnerable anytime, anywhere. (Raise your hand if you've ever had a panic attack.) To protect yourself from this, you might shift into other sentiments, like anger, as a sense of protection.
Let's look at the actual word to learn a little more:
Vulnerable (VOL - ner - uh - BUHL) - (adj.) being in a situation where one is likely to meet with harm; lacking protection from danger or resistance to attack.
It comes from the Late Latin vulnerabilis, meaning wounded. And that comes from the Latin verb vulnerare: to wound. Having entered the English language circa 1600, it's interesting that this word once shared both the act of wounding and receipt of the wound as a part of its definition and usage. After all, today we're most likely to put up our guards when we feel vulnerable ... even if the threat of harm is only in our minds.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
May 19, 2010
Where Does Depression Start?
Summary: Where does depression start? It starts with sadness. Find out how and where sadness starts for you.
You probably know the commercials that say, "Where does depression hurt? Everywhere." Frankly, I don't like the despondent background music or faded lighting meant to convey depression--although I will say they do a great job with it in those commercials. But I'm asking the question, anyway: Where does depression hurt?
More accurately, where do you feel sadness in your body, whether it's a painful feeling or something else?
Generally speaking, all emotions start in roughly the same place on everyone: The center. For anger, this can be the center of your face, such as a clenched jaw. For both happiness and fear, it's likely in the belly or the solar plexus (butterflies in the stomach, for instance, or an eager thrill of excitement). But for sadness, the feeling likely originates in your heart center.
This isn't true for everyone, of course. (I have one client who notices most of his emotions in his forehead!) But a heavy feeling in the chest, a lump in the throat or slumped shoulders usually signify the onset of serious sadness.
Do you know where your own sad feelings start in your body? To learn for yourself, practice making a note--literally--by writing down each time you feel very sad and what your body feels like. The more detailed you are with your observations, such as, "I feel like crying and my back hurts and my arms feel weightless, but my stomach and chest are tight," the easier it will become for you to identify your sad feelings--both physically and emotionally--before they become unbearable.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
You probably know the commercials that say, "Where does depression hurt? Everywhere." Frankly, I don't like the despondent background music or faded lighting meant to convey depression--although I will say they do a great job with it in those commercials. But I'm asking the question, anyway: Where does depression hurt?
More accurately, where do you feel sadness in your body, whether it's a painful feeling or something else?
Generally speaking, all emotions start in roughly the same place on everyone: The center. For anger, this can be the center of your face, such as a clenched jaw. For both happiness and fear, it's likely in the belly or the solar plexus (butterflies in the stomach, for instance, or an eager thrill of excitement). But for sadness, the feeling likely originates in your heart center.
This isn't true for everyone, of course. (I have one client who notices most of his emotions in his forehead!) But a heavy feeling in the chest, a lump in the throat or slumped shoulders usually signify the onset of serious sadness.
Do you know where your own sad feelings start in your body? To learn for yourself, practice making a note--literally--by writing down each time you feel very sad and what your body feels like. The more detailed you are with your observations, such as, "I feel like crying and my back hurts and my arms feel weightless, but my stomach and chest are tight," the easier it will become for you to identify your sad feelings--both physically and emotionally--before they become unbearable.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
May 14, 2010
Communicating through Depression
Summary: After a long series on fear, today's post starts a new series on sadness--specifically, depression.
What are the 4 bas
ic emotions? (Click the link to learn!) Hint: Last month's blog series on fear covered one of them, and this new series that starts today covers another one.
Today, we're talking about sadness.
But not just any old sadness; today, we're talking about depression. Have you ever had an experience where you couldn't "shake the blues"? Maybe a loved one died or you lost a beloved pet. Or maybe you just couldn't figure out why you felt so low, but nothing you tried made you happy. Those are tough times. And they only get worse when you do exactly what your brain tells you to do: Curl up in a ball all alone and stay there.
Why would your own brain be so cruel? That's a question I'd like to study further.
I facilitate support group meetings in a neighboring community for people with depression. The stories of isolation and infernal sadness are very moving. And inevitably, those suffering with the disease of depression (including myself, from time to time) believe that it won't pass and they'll never get any better.
Have you ever had this experience? Are you experiencing it now? If you have been depressed, but can now see--and enjoy!--the light of day, tell me how you improved your outlook. Let's figure out together how to best communicate with and around this dreaded disease.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
What are the 4 bas
ic emotions? (Click the link to learn!) Hint: Last month's blog series on fear covered one of them, and this new series that starts today covers another one.Today, we're talking about sadness.
But not just any old sadness; today, we're talking about depression. Have you ever had an experience where you couldn't "shake the blues"? Maybe a loved one died or you lost a beloved pet. Or maybe you just couldn't figure out why you felt so low, but nothing you tried made you happy. Those are tough times. And they only get worse when you do exactly what your brain tells you to do: Curl up in a ball all alone and stay there.
Why would your own brain be so cruel? That's a question I'd like to study further.
I facilitate support group meetings in a neighboring community for people with depression. The stories of isolation and infernal sadness are very moving. And inevitably, those suffering with the disease of depression (including myself, from time to time) believe that it won't pass and they'll never get any better.
Have you ever had this experience? Are you experiencing it now? If you have been depressed, but can now see--and enjoy!--the light of day, tell me how you improved your outlook. Let's figure out together how to best communicate with and around this dreaded disease.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
Jan 20, 2010
TRULY SPEAKING: 4 Basic Types of Self-Talk
Summary: What happens in our bodies—and to the world around us—when we ignore or suppress our feelings is often quite unpleasant. When we short-circuit the process of acceptance, we don't do ourselves or anyone around us any favors. You can break down the way you're feeling into 4 basic categories to help yourself gain more self-awareness and eventual acceptance.
So, your co-worker got credit for the job you did again. Big deal. Happens all the time. At least you're still employed. ... Right?
Then why are you sighing and slamming the stapler? Why did you snap at your spouse and yell at your kids to "just shut up already!" yesterday—when you already knew this same old work scenario was about to play out today? Why did you wake up this morning with a tension headache, knowing you'd been grinding your teeth at night? If you've accepted this as "just the way things are," why isn't your life working out the way you want it to, even outside of work?
My suspicion is that you're lying to yourself.
*Gasp!* You, lie?? You're an honest person. In fact, it's your honesty—the fact that you keep giving credit to all your team members, even though you're the one pulling all the weight—that keeps getting you overlooked at the office. You even saw this pattern playing out before it happened again, so lying just can't be the problem.
Here's what I have to say to that: You may see the situation for what it is externally, but you're not facing up to what you feel about it on the inside.
While you say to yourself things like, "That's just the way things go here," and "there's nothing I can do about it, so I might as well accept it," another part of you is simmering away with unspoken (or unacknowledged) thoughts like, "I am so mad!"; "this isn't fair"; "that suck-up doesn't deserve any of the credit that I do." Do you see the problem here? You're squelching your own voice before you even admit your feelings to yourself!
Coming to terms with any negative life experience is an important means to accepting who you are and where you are. But it's a process—and to skip over any part of that process shuts it down completely. Take a moment RIGHT NOW to write down how you're feeling. Then categorize the thoughts you're having into one of the four categories:
GLAD
MAD
SAD or
SCARED.
(NOTE: If your thoughts fall into multiple categories, this is completely normal.) These are the basic sentiments that house all the other emotions. (Hint: "That suck-up doesn't deserve any of the credit that I do" would fall under "MAD.") How are you talking to yourself in your head right now?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
So, your co-worker got credit for the job you did again. Big deal. Happens all the time. At least you're still employed. ... Right?
Then why are you sighing and slamming the stapler? Why did you snap at your spouse and yell at your kids to "just shut up already!" yesterday—when you already knew this same old work scenario was about to play out today? Why did you wake up this morning with a tension headache, knowing you'd been grinding your teeth at night? If you've accepted this as "just the way things are," why isn't your life working out the way you want it to, even outside of work?
My suspicion is that you're lying to yourself.
*Gasp!* You, lie?? You're an honest person. In fact, it's your honesty—the fact that you keep giving credit to all your team members, even though you're the one pulling all the weight—that keeps getting you overlooked at the office. You even saw this pattern playing out before it happened again, so lying just can't be the problem.
Here's what I have to say to that: You may see the situation for what it is externally, but you're not facing up to what you feel about it on the inside.
While you say to yourself things like, "That's just the way things go here," and "there's nothing I can do about it, so I might as well accept it," another part of you is simmering away with unspoken (or unacknowledged) thoughts like, "I am so mad!"; "this isn't fair"; "that suck-up doesn't deserve any of the credit that I do." Do you see the problem here? You're squelching your own voice before you even admit your feelings to yourself!
Coming to terms with any negative life experience is an important means to accepting who you are and where you are. But it's a process—and to skip over any part of that process shuts it down completely. Take a moment RIGHT NOW to write down how you're feeling. Then categorize the thoughts you're having into one of the four categories:
GLAD
MAD
SAD or
SCARED.
(NOTE: If your thoughts fall into multiple categories, this is completely normal.) These are the basic sentiments that house all the other emotions. (Hint: "That suck-up doesn't deserve any of the credit that I do" would fall under "MAD.") How are you talking to yourself in your head right now?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010
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