WOW Word of the Week: Persiflage

Summary:  Meander through my musings to learn a holiday word about, well, words...

This week is like a personal springtime. I'm feeling myself slowly coming back to life like a seedling unfurling into a flower.

Last week, after trekking around the Midwest the week before to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with family, I found myself with some unwelcome symptoms: a fever (most dreaded), aches, chills, congestion and worst of all a sore throat—something no communications coach ever wants, especially going into a full week of coaching sessions. I tried to offer phone sessions to my clients to keep the germs to myself and the communication rolling, but it was murder on my voice and throat. I scrapped that short-lived solution and went to the doctor. Diagnosis: strep throat.

My holiday vacation was suddenly extended by way of infection. And my intent to blog was prolonged as I spent most days rescheduling clients from the couch.

Does all this sickness talk seem like persiflage to you? If so, I made my point: Traveling the day before Thanksgiving, my husband and I listened to old recordings of Jean Shepherd's radio show—Shepherd of "A Christmas Story" fame. What a writer! Of the many vocabulary words to choose from in his rhetorical radio ramblings, the one that caught my attention the most was the word about words ... specifically about filler words that mean little and say lots, persiflage.

It's defined as frivolous banter. Shepherd's usage was "little brother persiflage" to describe his brother's dinner conversation; not as important as his own childhood dialogue on what he wanted for Christmas.
 
Look up persiflage here. And pardon mine, please. Let's blame it on the lingering infection.

© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2012

Happy New Year!

Summary: Here is my personal list of New Year's resolutions for this year, using the method I outlined for you earlier this week. Where is YOURS?

HAPPY NEW YEAR! *blaring noisemaker* Isn't it great to ring in 2010 and count all the things you're grateful to have in your life? No matter who—or where—you are, you can do this and smile.

One thing that often wipes that smile right off of someone's face is facing the dreaded tradition of the New Year's resolution. It's often dreaded, however, only because most of the people who make resolutions don't keep them. One stat says that merely 12% of those who make resolutions attain the goals they've laid out for themselves in those resolutions. That's not a lot of resolve!

The same source purports that this small number rises at least 10% when resolutions are made public. So, let's get to it! I'll start (and you follow).

Resolved:
1. To work with web developer Stephen Parker & complete packaging of my online e-course "Speak YOUR Truth" by the end of January
2. To conduct market research per the direction of marketing expert Ed Erickson, beginning with the creation of a list of organizations in my niche that hire speakers to be drafted by February, with next steps plotted thereafter
3. To practice better sleep hygiene by continuing use of relaxation CD at night, discontinuing TV & snacks after 9 p.m., & setting my alarm for 30 mins. earlier than usual beginning this week!

The key to really attaining your goals (and mine) is to keep the momentum going by setting new mile-markers along the way after each small one is met. Reassessing deadlines to make them more realistic is also helpful when necessary—just as is pushing yourself to meet the original deadline and accepting the need to extend it as recognized. Remember that, like with anything, balance is key.

Good luck! And may you have a fortunate 2010.

© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2010

TRULY SPEAKING: Resolving to Keep Your Resolutions (Really)

Summary: Today, we take a look at some of the history of New Year's traditions, like making (not breaking) resolutions. And we measure real ways to make our own resolutions work.

This week's vocabulary word is resolution. And this week (if you're anything like me—and millions of people throughout the world) you'll be making some resolutions of your own. But why do we even participate in this tradition in the first place? Click here to read an article by Goals Guy Gary Ryan Blair on the history of New Year's traditions. Then read on in this post to get a little insight into your own motivations this year!

There's a formula that's tried and true for not only setting resolution-type goals, but also keeping them. And it starts with:

Step #1: Make a resolution that's truly just for YOU. If your neighbor's lawn has looked nicer than yours since the day you've moved in, don't resolve to put in more hours of yard maintenance just to keep up the friendly rivalry. DO resolve to dedicate yourself to creating a lovelier lawn so that you and your family can enjoy the outdoors together. If your motivation comes from without rather than within, it's sure to fizzle out quickly.

Step #2: Think both long-term and short-term. When planning your resolutions, it's okay to write out your long-term goal, like "maintain a healthier lawn" or "lose 30 pounds." But be specific by setting deadlines and designating smaller steps to take, too. "Fertilize this spring and edge the yard with each mow this summer to maintain a healthier lawn" makes for a more realistic and complete goal. The same goes for "meet with the gym's personal trainer this month to establish a program to lose 30 pounds by year's end." (You'll know how realistic your specific goals are by the way they make you feel: If you feel energetically sapped or otherwise negative just thinking about them, you definitely need to rethink your goals—as well as your motivation for setting them. If, however, you feel motivated after reading your new resolutions, you're on the right track!)

Step #3: Accept yourself where you are NOW. Whether you put them down in writing, record them vocally or just keep them in your head, this goes from the moment you start drafting your resolutions to each and every step along the path to meeting them—or resolving them, you might say. You can't make change if you don't admit your starting point. Likewise, you can't keep momentum going to exact that desired change if you spend all your energy beating yourself up for not being farther ahead than you are.

If you're brave enough, practice your goal-setting here! Don't worry: I'll be joining you on Friday, sharing my list. After all, it doesn't matter whom we tell; only we can keep ourselves accountable.

© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009

WORD OF THE WEEK: Resolution Twenty Ten

Summary: As the year—and the decade—draws to a close, we can look ahead to 2010. Making resolutions is just one way to do this. What exactly does this word mean?

This week, we'll close out the year 2009 and the first decade of the new millennium. News forums all over the globe are already looking back on changes we made together as ever-evolving people on a forever-changing planet. And now is the time when, collectively and individually, we begin to look forward into our future in a number of ways.

The most common means of doing this as individuals is by setting New Year's Resolutions. We'll examine the tradition, itself, a little more deeply later this week. But for now, let's take a look at the word resolution.

With a number of definitions, resolution (in this case) means "a firmness of resolve," or "a declaration." In other words, we declare to ourselves and the world—but firstly and most importantly to ourselves if we really want to succeed—that we are going to meet the goals we've set for ourselves this year. We resolve to lose 10 pounds by spring or to drink 6 glasses of water each day. We are resolute, or steadfast, in our determination to do so.

Resolution (RES - o - LOO - shun) is a noun that entered the English language in the 14th century (that's 700-some years ago now, if you're counting) that has a number of other definitions, all similar in nature. (As usual, if you share your worldly wisdom of these "other definitions" here, you will receive high praise.)

In a couple of days, we'll look at exactly why we set resolutions for each new year and how such a tradition came to be. But until then, I personally resolve to make my own list of 2010 resolutions that I'll share for you on New Year's Day. What about YOU?

© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009

TRULY SPEAKING: How to Break the Ice & Survive Social Anxiety This Holiday

Summary: If you're less of a social butterfly than you are a shy wallflower, the thought of holiday festivities may cause you worry and fear. Follow these basic tips to break the ice at social gatherings—now and any time of year.

If your calendar is bulging with the weight of social functions—office holiday parties with clients and co-workers, seasonally-themed dinner parties with friends, school and social outings with the kids—you are by no means alone. (And if you've attended even one of those functions, you already know that's true!)

For all of you social butterflies out there, this is your time to sparkle and shine. But what if you're less "social butterfly" and more "wallflower"? Or perhaps you like to socialize, but get burned out after two or three occasions in one month (or week): What do you do?

Mustering up enough energy to be bubbly at every seasonal social occasion that comes your way may not be realistic. But there are some tricks you can apply to make certain you at least socialize appropriately—and even have a little fun, yourself, while you're at it, no matter how much you want to run to the shelter of your own home. The phrase "breaking the ice" is a commonly-used American idiom that refers to those awkward first moments upon meeting strangers. In corporate team-building exercises, "ice-breakers" are the ones done at the start of the experience, usually involving pairing off into partners or forming small groups and answering personal questions in a novel way.

Here are just a few ways you can break the ice in a variety of settings—now and all year round:

Ask questions. Most people like to talk about themselves. If you're having a hard time thinking of a conversation-starter, have a handful of general questions in mind that you can ask anyone, anywhere. Some good basics are: "How do you know the host(s)?" and "Do you live in this area?" With the exception of company parties, another stand-by is: "What do you do for a living?"

Sometimes seemingly innocent questions can spark controversy, but don't take it personally if this happens with someone you're addressing. After all, you aren't psychic. A graceful way to back out of such a situation (say, if someone you've asked, "What do you do for a living?" begins hemming and hawing about having been downsized or, worse, launches into a tirade about the economy that offends your sense of politics) is to kindly reply, "Oh, I'm sorry for asking," and change the subject using one of the other tactics noted in this blog post.

Compliment people. Flattery will get you everywhere! (Never mind the popular idiom to the contrary—at least not in lighthearted circumstances.) Some of the easiest conversation-starters begin with, "I really like that centerpiece. Did you make it?" (or "That scarf is beautiful. Where did you find it?"). Be sincere when making such comments, because that helps to build rapport.

Keep it simple. When it comes to answering questions yourself, your best bet is to keep your answers brief and to the point, particularly if you have hard time trusting people you've just met. It may be tempting to become gregarious, but this will only backfire on you emotionally later if you're prone to worry that you may have said too much. This doesn't mean to respond in only yes-or-no answers. Just provide a few details and then redirect the conversation with some questions of your own. This keeps a momentum to the conversation, as in a kind of verbal tennis match with each side lobbing words instead of balls. ("So, how do you know the hosts?" "We do business together. Tim's been a wonderful client for about five years now. And how do you know them?" "We're neighbors. We've been neighbors now for nearly a decade. It's hard to believe. Are you in sales, like Tim?" "Direct marketing: I'm a printer, actually. My company prints brochures and flyers and business cards for Tim. What do you do for a living?")

A final tip for breaking the holiday party ice is to keep the cocktails and spiced eggnog to a minimum. Sometimes food and drink can be a crutch at a social affair. It's okay to use it as a conversation-starter, such as saying, "Have you tried the eggnog yet? It's very flavorful!" But if you eat or drink to excess, you're more likely to give yourself indigestion or ignore all social graces than to successfully enjoy the party. After all, if you truly didn't want to be invited back next year, you probably wouldn't be attending in the first place!

Happy mingling, my friends!

© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009

WORD OF THE WEEK: Happy & Halcyon

Summary: December is often a stressful month that can be full of energy and enthusiasm at its best moments. No wonder we're often wishing each other peace around this time of year. This week's word, halcyon—which means peace (and also peace-bringer)—is my hope for peace to you.

The month of December is drawing to a close. People are busy celebrating and have been celebrating the year 2009 with great gusto: cooking, feasting, gift-giving, and celebrating with ceremony that entails numerous details. They're trading well-wishes in the form of cards and slogans, most of them containing the words, merry and happy and joyful.

Soon we will be setting goals for 2010 and looking toward our future. The emphasis is on enthusiasm in all of these scenarios.

But there's another word that permeates and inspires in December. That word is peace. "Peace be with you," we say to each other; we wish for "peace on earth" and hope in our hearts that there may be some peace of mind for us, personally.

Today's word is my own wish for you—both in your heart and in your household. Let me tell you a little story about it first:

Once upon a time, there was a little boat that set sail upon the sea from Greece. As it sailed on its merry way, it encountered a storm that tossed the boat to and fro, rocking it fiercely. Eventually, the thunderous wail and riotous tumult of the stormy skies and sea waves began to subside. A bird—a kingfisher, also known as a halcyon—flew down and landed on the boat's prow, watching over the waves as they slowly came to a calm. The little boat, though it was wood and could not feel, was happily buoyed again.

Halcyon (HAL - see - EN), this week's featured word, is both a noun and an adjective. As a noun, it is a type of bird like a kingfisher that feeds from the ocean, frequently after a storm as fish return closer to the surface (where they feed on insects—there to scoop up water and eat smaller insects—that have hidden in tight clusters for the storm's duration). In the days of ancient civilization, Grecian seafarers did not fully grasp this life cycle, and instead believed the kingfisher, or halcyon, was a bird that brought peace to the sea with its watchful gaze.

As an adjective, the word halcyon simply means peaceful.

May the great bird of peace glide over your home this winter and bless you throughout this week.

© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009

GUEST BLOGGER: The Importance of Thank You (by Barbara J. Henry)

Summary: In our technology-driven world, we sometimes forget the importance of the little things, the "small gestures" in effective communication.

The art of communicating gets more and more sophisticated daily it seems. For those of us interested in personal development, it is an opportunity to learn new ways to express our
ideas. There is always a better, quicker, more efficient way to say what needs to be shared, from instant messages to tweets.

But, in our technology-driven world, we sometimes forget the importance of the little things, the small gestures in effective communication.

Let me ask you, how often during the course of a day have you forgotten to say, "Thank you," for the awesome work done, the fantastic meal or the indescribable deal you received from a family member, friend or colleague?

Sure, we know we should express gratitude for what others do for us, and that is exactly what a "thank you" does. These two small words, "thank you," let others know that what they've done is noticed and appreciated. It also tells them that you realize what was done resulted from their concern, love, and appreciation of you. Finally, it sends a clear, unequivocal message that we know no one owes us anything, and when we are the recipients of acts of kindness—whether random or intentional—we appreciate them, and we express our gratitude by saying, "Thank you."

During this holiday season, there will be many opportunities to use these two small words. Let's not forget to use them every chance we get.

Remember: "Thank yous" are expressions of gratitude and appreciation. They remind us of the many reasons for which we are grateful. Let's use them liberally during this yuletide season, and throughout the coming years.

What To Do Next:
1. Consciously, intentionally, and sincerely say, "Thank you," for every act of kindness you receive.
2. Perform random acts of kindness for your loved ones and others in your
circle of influence.
3. Remind small children (they may be too excited to remember on their own) to
express their gratitude by saying, "Thank you."

About the Writer: Barbara Henry is a published author, (Journaling: Twenty Plus Reasons Why You Should Start Now) personal development expert, motivational speaker, poet, and avid reader of books on self-growth, self-help, and spirituality, which are the subjects of her blogs and poems. Visit her website: www.barbarajhenry.com; go to the Titles/Products page and download a free copy of her very effective tip sheet “9 Write Ways to Solve Problems.”

WEEKLY UPDATE: More Guest Blogging to Come

Summary: I'll be swapping blog posts with a fellow blogger next week. What are YOU sharing in the weeks to come?

My fellow blogger, Barbara J. Henry—also known as The Journal Lady after her book Journaling: 20 Plus Reasons Why You Should Start Now—will be the guest blogger next week. Meanwhile, I'll be the guest blogger at her site (see link above), with a post on "Exercises in Self-Respect." Check it out! (And, yes, I'll be linking again after the posts are made.)

For now, I'm putting together Christmas cards and gearing up for a weekend of holiday celebrations. It's the time of year for sharing. I hope you'll share in the fun, too!

© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009

WORD OF THE WEEK: Pied for the Holidays

Summary: Our first-ever one-syllable word of the week, pied, has a meaning you might not guess ...

This week's word is our first-ever one-syllable entry. It sounds pretty straightforward. But I'll bet it doesn't mean what you think it means.

Here's a sentence that might give you a hint: "The pied centerpiece was surrounded by many pastries and confections, all reflecting the holiday theme."

Okay, I'll admit it. I crafted that one just to throw you off the trail. Pied (pīd) was brought into the English language around the fourteenth century, and its primary definition is "having two or more colors." But it can also be the past tense version of pi (though you'd have to ask a mathematician to come up with an example sentence for THAT one).

© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009

WORD OF THE WEEK: Thanksgiving!

Summary: The word thanksgiving isn't reserved only for the holiday. What are you thankful for?

Naturally, this week's word is thanksgiving. Not only is it the name of the holiday we'll be celebrating in the U.S. this Thursday, it's also a word in and of itself.

Entering the English language circa 1533, thanksgiving (commonly pronounced as THANKS - GIV -ing, but also sometimes as THANKS - GIV - ing) is a noun that means simply, the act of giving thanks, or being grateful. It can also be a public acknowledgment of gratitutde, especially in the form of a prayer—or even more so around this time of year, a public celebration.

There's some speculation that our contemporary Thanksgiving Day rituals draw from Native American ceremonies, particularly that of the potlatch (Americanized in the mid-1800s as POT - latch). In a traditional potlatch feast, a host welcomed many visitors to his or her home, plied them with lots of delicious food, and even gave away treasured personal items to show gratitude, generosity and respect. The purposes for such grand gestures were varied (from sharing tremendous wealth and other blessings to warding off potential bad luck), but the spirit of giving was always an integral part of the potlatch.

This time of year is special to me. It reminds me of my great-grandmother, who relished the symbolic meshing of cultures inherent in America's Thanksgiving holiday. She liked to tell this story:

"In the late 1800s, a Pueblo Native American tribe felled a large tree and carved it into a long table, complete with seats, then dressed it for a grand feast where they welcomed some Irish immigrants who were new to the United States. Over the years, a little boy from the tribe and a little girl from the group of immigrants became friends, and eventually, they grew up and fell in love. But this caused a scandal among both of their families, so they fled to the rural Midwest to start a shared life and a family of their own, combining their ways.

"The man was known as Eddie Thompson. But my sisters and I called him Pop. He was your great-great grandfather." Then she would smile, pinch my cheeks and say, "So, that's why you get so beautifully brown in the summers and have those lovely, high cheekbones!"

Regardless of what I may feel politically about American history, one way or another, this week I can say for certain that I'll recall with fond thanksgiving the jovial and generous spirit of my amazing great-grandmother and her wonderful way with words. And I'm further grateful for her teaching me my own personal history the best way that she could: through story.

Do you have thanksgiving this week in your heart? And if so, why?

© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009

TRULY SPEAKING: Avoiding the Unavoidable, Holiday Stress

Summary: The "good stress" of the holidays may seem ineluctable, but it doesn't have to overtake your life. Follow these suggestions, courtesy of communications coach Cathy Emma, to stay sane as you accomplish your winter goals.

It's that time of year again: Time for the joy of giving and receiving, the celebration of family, ... the stress of planning and shopping and cooking and hosting and visiting and of generally taking on so much extra responsibility!

How do you stay sane? Frankly, some of us don't. But there are measures any of us can take to give it our best shot.

If you (or those you love) suffer from disease—be it a mental illness or a physical illness—the additional stress of the holidays can push you over the edge. The way we communicate when we're feeling internal pressure generally looks like the following in one or more ways: absent-minded, terse, angry, hostile, loud, tearful, apologetic, brusque. Depending on our personalities and the ways we've been taught to cope with stress throughout our lives, we can exhibit any combination of these traits in response to even the simplest of questions asked by friends and family and even co-workers. We can also go to the opposite extreme and become completely silent.

None of these responses helps us solve the problem of our stress. In fact, just the opposite: It compounds it for us and for those around us.

This week, I received an e-newsletter from communications specialist Cathy Emma, who provided some excellent techniques for heading off holiday stress at the pass. Among her suggestions were these:

- Keep your fitness track on plan. "Healthy living relieves stress," Cathy reminds. And putting yourself first means that there will be more of you to go around when the time comes.

- Appreciate the positive aspects of the holiday. When you expect to be stressed out, you usually are. But when you're able to remind yourself exactly why it is that you're taking on the extra load right now, it helps you feel like you have a voice in your own life and your plans, rather than resentful obligations. It may help to mentally note one reason why you choose to go through with your plans each time you feel any stressed-out resentment creeping in—such as, "I'm making these special pies, so that Grandpa has something sugar-free to eat this year."

- Keep the stress out of your voice and speech. The fact is, we all take on an extra load to our personal calendars at this time of year, no matter how we celebrate. Even if we choose not to celebrate, we're likely to pick up on the frenetic energy around us at the office, at our friends' homes, and in the streets, sidewalks, and stores. But coming from a place of stress is not only unprofessional, it's selfish. Cathy encourages us to use a tone of voice that's "bright and enthusiastic." Practice speaking like this regularly, and you will begin to feel it sincerely.

© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009