This summer my husband and I celebrated our 6th anniversary. That's a drop in the bucket compared to the 50-plus years my great-grandparents shared. But it’s 6 years that we've definitely earned.
Not long before our 1st anniversary, we set to work, hammering out our own little trick to staying connected—something specific to our personal communication style that went beyond the usual platitudes like "don't go to bed angry" and "don't sweat the small stuff." So many of the self-help and couples books I was reading at the time had wonderful communication exercises that simply ended up being too time-consuming or otherwise too complex for us. After testing (and rejecting) so many of them, we eventually customized an exercise of our own.
What we created was a nightly ritual, consisting of a mere 3 questions. We call them “The 3 Rs of Marriage”©:
(1) What’s one thing you recognize that made you feel loved today?
(2) What’s one thing you did to return love to me today?
(3) What would you like to request that I do to show love to you tomorrow?
Each question concentrates on listening to the other person’s feelings and seeing the world through his or her eyes. Love is the central theme, so the conversation is always a feel-good way to end the day. What you learn about your partner—and yourself—via this process can astound you.
You don't have to be married to try the exercise, and you don't have to do it every single night. But the more you practice it, the more it works. So, practice these questions with your partner this week and see how it feels for yourself!
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Showing posts with label The 3 Rs of Marriage©. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The 3 Rs of Marriage©. Show all posts
Jul 3, 2009
WEEKLY UPDATE: How to Speak Successfully to Your Significant Other
Raise your hand if you've ever had a romantic partner. *putting my hand up, holding it there, then letting it fall* Now raise your had if you've ever wanted to ring that partner's neck. *shooting my hand to the sky*
Ahem. Me, too.
But when I got married—6 years ago this weekend, thank you very much—my husband and I quickly learned that escalating our anger toward each other got us nowhere fast ... except storming around the house, holding unspoken contests about who could slam cabinet doors harder and louder, and sometimes racing off to a hotel to escape each other for the evening.
But in the morning (or when the last remaining cabinet-slamming contestant had won by default), though our anger may have quelled, the issues would still be there. And we hadn't any better words for working through them than we had at the peak of frustration.
That's when we invented "The 3 Rs of Marriage©." Three simple questions, asked and answered regularly, keep us communicating about what happens at our core.
Those of you who checked out my guest post to "Journal Lady" Barbara J. Henry's blog already get the simplicity of the exercise for keeping lovers connected to one another. But did you realize the questions can be modified? I know one couple who included a bonus "R": resentment. This lets them address anything they haven't wanted to mention in passing or haven't found prior time to bring up properly. It clears out resentments, so that romance can be the real focus of the relationship again.
(1) What’s one thing you recognize that made you feel LOVED today?
(2) What’s one thing you did to return LOVE to me today?
(3) What would you like to request that I do to show LOVE to you tomorrow?
(4) What's one thing you resented today that created a LOVE block for you?
We'll talk more about this tricky bonus question next week. 'Til then, have a safe and sane Independence Day weekend!
(c) KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Ahem. Me, too.
But when I got married—6 years ago this weekend, thank you very much—my husband and I quickly learned that escalating our anger toward each other got us nowhere fast ... except storming around the house, holding unspoken contests about who could slam cabinet doors harder and louder, and sometimes racing off to a hotel to escape each other for the evening.
But in the morning (or when the last remaining cabinet-slamming contestant had won by default), though our anger may have quelled, the issues would still be there. And we hadn't any better words for working through them than we had at the peak of frustration.
That's when we invented "The 3 Rs of Marriage©." Three simple questions, asked and answered regularly, keep us communicating about what happens at our core.
Those of you who checked out my guest post to "Journal Lady" Barbara J. Henry's blog already get the simplicity of the exercise for keeping lovers connected to one another. But did you realize the questions can be modified? I know one couple who included a bonus "R": resentment. This lets them address anything they haven't wanted to mention in passing or haven't found prior time to bring up properly. It clears out resentments, so that romance can be the real focus of the relationship again.
(1) What’s one thing you recognize that made you feel LOVED today?
(2) What’s one thing you did to return LOVE to me today?
(3) What would you like to request that I do to show LOVE to you tomorrow?
(4) What's one thing you resented today that created a LOVE block for you?
We'll talk more about this tricky bonus question next week. 'Til then, have a safe and sane Independence Day weekend!
(c) KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
