Last week, we looked at (and later this week, we'll study more) some of the principles of conflict resolution. Today, I want to compare and contrast two words that I DON'T recommend for peaceful problem-solving.
Inveigh (in-VAY) – (v.) to attack with words, or commit violent denunciation; etymologically, it comes from the Latin invehere, meaning "to carry against" (approx. 1486).
Inveigle (in-VAY-gil) – (v.) to win over by wiles; to acquire by ingenuity or flattery; to lure (as in, "She inveigled her way onto his team with flirtation"). Derived from the Latin aboculus, literally meaning "without eyes" (1490s–1540s), it means "to blindly win over by deceit; to seduce."
As they are written today, these words seem to have grown from the same root word, but the fact is that they come from two different word branches that have since grown together. Both refer to unflattering and controversial means of progress—one by outright conflict and the other by sly wiles. If you want to meet your own needs and care not for the bigger picture of your actions, you may attempt to inveigle the other party dishonestly. If that doesn't work, you may resort to inveighing the other party outright, a true sign of someone who is completely self-unaware.
However, if true peacemaking is the goal of your own personal conflict resolution, you may eventually (if not immediately) look for a longer-term solution—that also happens to sometimes take a little longer to work out: You may invoke a real response to lasting change by following the steps of honest self-awareness and respect for all involved through getting in touch with yourself and your wants, then listening to the other party.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 31, 2009
Aug 28, 2009
WEEKLY UPDATE: Emotional Awareness Resources
Here is a list of outstanding resources on emotional awareness, or how to get in touch with and identify your feelings:
EQI.org – This site has so many wonderful resources to offer, particularly a list of "feeling words" (that's several pages long—and open to new words from anyone willing to contribute) and an interesting article by Lea Winerman about the cross-cultural belief that talking about emotional discomfort helps alleviate it.
EmotionalProcessing.org – Also chock-full of info., this site is more science-based than anecdotal. The page link here points out the "5 Levels of Emotional Awareness" (Lane & Schwartz, 1987) as: 1. physical sensations, 2. action tendancies, 3. single emotions, 4. blends of emotions, and 5. blends of blends of emotional experience. It's important to note that most external conflict starts at #4, and escalates exponentially at #5.
Edel Jarboe's Article – Titled "Emotional Intelligence," this 1999 article is still timely and important in correlating one's emotional state to one's ability to communicate with clarity. It lists 10 ways to improve your emotional intelligence—including my favorite, "Listen twice as much as you speak."
HelpGuide.org's Emotional Awareness Page – Anyone looking for a basic overview of emotions and their big picture purpose should start here. HelpGuide has a plethora of other resources, too, such as the page on Improving Emotional Awareness, which explains step-by-step how to experience and tolerate intense emotions.
In my personal time, I volunteer with a group called DBSA (the Depression Biplar Support Alliance), facilitating an advocacy and support group for people who've been diagnosed with Major Depression or Bipolar Disorder, as well as for their friends and family members. Our bimonthly meetings regularly focus on how to deal with emotions, especially in extremes. If you or someone you know has a particularly difficult time dealing with or acknowledging emotions, and you suspect Depression or Bipolar Disorder could be involved, contact DBSA for more information. The problem will never change until it's first acknowledged.
Whether or not you shut off your emotions, let them run your life (and sometimes the lives of those around you) or fall somewhere in between, emotions are the backbone of your personal communication style. If you review even one of the resources above over the coming weekend, you'll be that much more prepared on Monday to communicate with confidence and ease.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
EQI.org – This site has so many wonderful resources to offer, particularly a list of "feeling words" (that's several pages long—and open to new words from anyone willing to contribute) and an interesting article by Lea Winerman about the cross-cultural belief that talking about emotional discomfort helps alleviate it.
EmotionalProcessing.org – Also chock-full of info., this site is more science-based than anecdotal. The page link here points out the "5 Levels of Emotional Awareness" (Lane & Schwartz, 1987) as: 1. physical sensations, 2. action tendancies, 3. single emotions, 4. blends of emotions, and 5. blends of blends of emotional experience. It's important to note that most external conflict starts at #4, and escalates exponentially at #5.
Edel Jarboe's Article – Titled "Emotional Intelligence," this 1999 article is still timely and important in correlating one's emotional state to one's ability to communicate with clarity. It lists 10 ways to improve your emotional intelligence—including my favorite, "Listen twice as much as you speak."
HelpGuide.org's Emotional Awareness Page – Anyone looking for a basic overview of emotions and their big picture purpose should start here. HelpGuide has a plethora of other resources, too, such as the page on Improving Emotional Awareness, which explains step-by-step how to experience and tolerate intense emotions.
In my personal time, I volunteer with a group called DBSA (the Depression Biplar Support Alliance), facilitating an advocacy and support group for people who've been diagnosed with Major Depression or Bipolar Disorder, as well as for their friends and family members. Our bimonthly meetings regularly focus on how to deal with emotions, especially in extremes. If you or someone you know has a particularly difficult time dealing with or acknowledging emotions, and you suspect Depression or Bipolar Disorder could be involved, contact DBSA for more information. The problem will never change until it's first acknowledged.
Whether or not you shut off your emotions, let them run your life (and sometimes the lives of those around you) or fall somewhere in between, emotions are the backbone of your personal communication style. If you review even one of the resources above over the coming weekend, you'll be that much more prepared on Monday to communicate with confidence and ease.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 26, 2009
TRULY SPEAKING: How to Say What You Mean
My website, KiKiProductionsInc.com, will soon be offering a communications e-course titled "Speak Your Truth"—and subtitled "How to Get What You Want by Saying What You Mean." There are no mind control techniques taught in this course, no tips on influencing others. Instead, the course is about honesty and respect.
But mostly, it's about applying honesty and respect to directness.
In our closest personal relationships, especially, we tend to learn how to dance around certain subjects, specifically those topics that have caused us emotional pain in the past: If you and your roommate or significant other have fought recently over whose turn it is to do the dishes to the point that it escalates into a shouting match, you may find yourself passive-aggressively hinting at how you think it's not your turn this time around. You may be surprised to find that he or she explodes with even more force at just the implication of the topic of dish-washing. What do you do then?
"Coming out with it, already" and saying exactly what's on your mind is the key. But it isn't the first step in the process to resolving this conflict. The first step, in fact, is to look inside yourself and determine how the subject makes you feel. Once you're completely honest with yourself and truly self-aware, then you can begin to accept that the person you wish to address has his or her own feelings over the issue—feelings that may or may not mirror your own.
Here are a couple of techniques to getting in touch with your deeper emotions, to make "saying what you mean" a safe process. Say what you mean to yourself first by:
1. Journaling – If you are already familiar with this process, you need no further instruction. Simply free-write in your journal until you have identified at least two key feelings that you have about the subject at hand. Be sure that the feelings you note are actual sentiments (such as scared, happy, anxious, angry, confused) and not thoughts in disguise (like, "I feel like he's doing this on purpose").
Re-read your entry. If you notice thoughts that you've written, make sure to attach a sentiment to them, i.e., "I feel like he's doing this on purpose—and that makes me resentful."
2. Self-Talk – Forget the old stereotype that talking to yourself is crazy. Sometimes, talking to yourself can keep you sane! Stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself, "How do I feel when I think about the dishes?" and then describe first the physical sensations you feel (sweaty palms, upset stomach, racing heart, etc.), followed by your emotions (nervous, irritated, hostile). Break it down into one sentence, such as, "When she doesn't wash the dishes she's used, I feel very angry." It's okay to use modifiers (like very or somewhat), because this helps you measure the feeling you have and be even more honest with yourself.
Affirmations are another form of self-talk that can help you keep your cool before entering into a confrontation. For example, if you find that you're afraid to stand up for yourself, but are harboring a resentment that's eating away at you inside, you might consider bolstering yourself with an affirmation prior to addressing the conflict. A good, affirmative sentence in this case would be, "I am confident that I can be honest about my feelings."
The next step to resolving the conflict is to have a conversation with the other person about your Dish War. For this step, listening is key. You can't listen to anyone else, however, until you have first listened to yourself and your own needs.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
But mostly, it's about applying honesty and respect to directness.
In our closest personal relationships, especially, we tend to learn how to dance around certain subjects, specifically those topics that have caused us emotional pain in the past: If you and your roommate or significant other have fought recently over whose turn it is to do the dishes to the point that it escalates into a shouting match, you may find yourself passive-aggressively hinting at how you think it's not your turn this time around. You may be surprised to find that he or she explodes with even more force at just the implication of the topic of dish-washing. What do you do then?
"Coming out with it, already" and saying exactly what's on your mind is the key. But it isn't the first step in the process to resolving this conflict. The first step, in fact, is to look inside yourself and determine how the subject makes you feel. Once you're completely honest with yourself and truly self-aware, then you can begin to accept that the person you wish to address has his or her own feelings over the issue—feelings that may or may not mirror your own.
Here are a couple of techniques to getting in touch with your deeper emotions, to make "saying what you mean" a safe process. Say what you mean to yourself first by:
1. Journaling – If you are already familiar with this process, you need no further instruction. Simply free-write in your journal until you have identified at least two key feelings that you have about the subject at hand. Be sure that the feelings you note are actual sentiments (such as scared, happy, anxious, angry, confused) and not thoughts in disguise (like, "I feel like he's doing this on purpose").
Re-read your entry. If you notice thoughts that you've written, make sure to attach a sentiment to them, i.e., "I feel like he's doing this on purpose—and that makes me resentful."
2. Self-Talk – Forget the old stereotype that talking to yourself is crazy. Sometimes, talking to yourself can keep you sane! Stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself, "How do I feel when I think about the dishes?" and then describe first the physical sensations you feel (sweaty palms, upset stomach, racing heart, etc.), followed by your emotions (nervous, irritated, hostile). Break it down into one sentence, such as, "When she doesn't wash the dishes she's used, I feel very angry." It's okay to use modifiers (like very or somewhat), because this helps you measure the feeling you have and be even more honest with yourself.
Affirmations are another form of self-talk that can help you keep your cool before entering into a confrontation. For example, if you find that you're afraid to stand up for yourself, but are harboring a resentment that's eating away at you inside, you might consider bolstering yourself with an affirmation prior to addressing the conflict. A good, affirmative sentence in this case would be, "I am confident that I can be honest about my feelings."
The next step to resolving the conflict is to have a conversation with the other person about your Dish War. For this step, listening is key. You can't listen to anyone else, however, until you have first listened to yourself and your own needs.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 24, 2009
WORD OF THE WEEK: Pwn (& Other Acceptable Type-Os)
I keep reading this word: Pwn—as in, "'Get ready to be pwnd,' said the gamer to his adversaries, typing out his online insults." By context, I could tell the first time I saw it that it was synonymous with own, but I thought it was the result of a type-o. Three days later, having seen it nearly half a dozen times in the very same context—with the very same typing mistake—I realized I was watching language evolve before my very eyes.
Despite arguments I've supported in the past in this blog, I have a hard time not believing that I'm really seeing language devolve—or maybe it's the evolution of slanguage that I'm witnessing?
Whatever the case may be, pwn seems here to stay (although I cross my fingers and click my heels and hope against hope that this is just a passing fad, something that we'll look back on in the next decade with wry wit in a VH-1's "I Love the 2000s" episode as we text real whole words to each other in nanoseconds from our flying cars).
According to a plethora of internet information, pwn did, in fact, originate from a type-o—although it's disputed whether this was first done on a QWERTY keyboard or a cell phone's call pad. Some variations of the word are spelled with a number: p0wned. Personally, I find this an even more confounding acceptability for the actual word owned. But what can I do about it?
There are a number of other acronyms and abbreviations proliferating the texting and instant messaging world. I'd intended to include a few links to lists of them for you here today, but the content of such lists is not G-rated. So, instead, we'll focus on just the one word:
Pwn – (v.) to rule over or dominate another, usually an opposing player in a videogame or a marketplace adversary, especially in the technological market.
Lets hope our online lingo is a little more eduifying in the future.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Despite arguments I've supported in the past in this blog, I have a hard time not believing that I'm really seeing language devolve—or maybe it's the evolution of slanguage that I'm witnessing?
Whatever the case may be, pwn seems here to stay (although I cross my fingers and click my heels and hope against hope that this is just a passing fad, something that we'll look back on in the next decade with wry wit in a VH-1's "I Love the 2000s" episode as we text real whole words to each other in nanoseconds from our flying cars).
According to a plethora of internet information, pwn did, in fact, originate from a type-o—although it's disputed whether this was first done on a QWERTY keyboard or a cell phone's call pad. Some variations of the word are spelled with a number: p0wned. Personally, I find this an even more confounding acceptability for the actual word owned. But what can I do about it?
There are a number of other acronyms and abbreviations proliferating the texting and instant messaging world. I'd intended to include a few links to lists of them for you here today, but the content of such lists is not G-rated. So, instead, we'll focus on just the one word:
Pwn – (v.) to rule over or dominate another, usually an opposing player in a videogame or a marketplace adversary, especially in the technological market.
Lets hope our online lingo is a little more eduifying in the future.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 21, 2009
WEEKLY UPDATE: Kindling the Flames of Knowledge
This week I (finally) had the joy of playing with a Kindle—Amazon's handy, little, digital book tool—to see for myself what all the fuss was about. I liked it!
Yes, it's expensive (retailing at $190 and up, as of this post, while the DX, Kindle's latest generation, goes for $489). And, yes, it has its limitations. (Just Google "Amazon Kindle" to read how unpopular the gadget is with some reviewers and consumers.) But there were some features I hadn't read about that made me smile—especially the dictionary feature.
My friend Tammy, the Kindle owner who let me play with her new toy ("I knew this was a Kealah item," she said when she saw my eyes dance as she placed it in my hands), says that she rarely has a dictionary handy enough to look up a word while she's reading. Yet she gets frustrated if she can't figure the word out from context, often feeling like she may be missing a key piece of the story. Now, with her Kindle e-book-reader, she can click on a word directly in the text and learn its meaning without even putting the 'book' down! Score one for education.
On the same day I was fondling my friend's Kindle, my fellow blogger Joe DeVito wrote in The Communication Blog a pros-and-cons post on e-books in general. What he has to say to critics may surprise you.
Say it, spell it, read it, learn it: Whether it's in traditional or digital print, whether it's shared in conversation or convocation, communication is always key. Just debating what's working and what's lacking in the digital book world equals growth and knowledge power for the future. Score one for progress, too.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Yes, it's expensive (retailing at $190 and up, as of this post, while the DX, Kindle's latest generation, goes for $489). And, yes, it has its limitations. (Just Google "Amazon Kindle" to read how unpopular the gadget is with some reviewers and consumers.) But there were some features I hadn't read about that made me smile—especially the dictionary feature.
My friend Tammy, the Kindle owner who let me play with her new toy ("I knew this was a Kealah item," she said when she saw my eyes dance as she placed it in my hands), says that she rarely has a dictionary handy enough to look up a word while she's reading. Yet she gets frustrated if she can't figure the word out from context, often feeling like she may be missing a key piece of the story. Now, with her Kindle e-book-reader, she can click on a word directly in the text and learn its meaning without even putting the 'book' down! Score one for education.
On the same day I was fondling my friend's Kindle, my fellow blogger Joe DeVito wrote in The Communication Blog a pros-and-cons post on e-books in general. What he has to say to critics may surprise you.
Say it, spell it, read it, learn it: Whether it's in traditional or digital print, whether it's shared in conversation or convocation, communication is always key. Just debating what's working and what's lacking in the digital book world equals growth and knowledge power for the future. Score one for progress, too.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 19, 2009
TRULY SPEAKING: How Do You Spell Relief?—Seriously, I Don't Know!
This week's word is onomatopoeia—a word I've known, recognized, and been able to use in a sentence since high school. Yet I still had to look it up in my computer's dashboard dictionary before I wrote Monday's blog post.
Why? I can't spell onomatopoeia: There are too many vowels that make too many different sounds, not to mention I frequently want to put a T in place of the N at the beginning (probably because I pronounce the word so quickly that I don't enunciate, thereby confusing even myself with what I'm really saying).
It's pretty easy to spell onomatopoeia—that is, to spell onomatopoeic words, like crunch, munch, whomp, and buzz. But what happens when you want to spell something harder? How do you look up a word if you don't know how to spell it—especially if, when you sound it out to try and spell it, you're sounding it out incorrectly? What then?
My dashboard dictionary was little help. I suspect my regular print dictionary would have yielded the same mystifying results. Luckily, many online dictionaries will auto-generate words with similar spellings to the one you're trying. I used my favorite standby, Merriam-Webster.com, and was kindly asked, "Did you mean ...?" to help me find the right word with the right spelling.
According to author and college instructor Dustin Wax, "a study of Fortune 500 human resource employees were published, saying that of the people they had interviewed, some 85% threw away a resume or cover letter that had as little as one or two spelling errors. The logic was, if you didn’t care enough about your application to make sure everything was spelled correctly, then you couldn’t be trusted to care enough about your job—where a tiny spelling error might undo an important business deal or cost the company money." Spelling counts!
To read Wax's helpful article—with links to other spelling resources—click here. And remember these pointers:
1. Making a list of words that commonly trip you up is helpful. Once you've identified these tricky terms, practice reading and writing them as often as possible—with the correct spelling!
2. One of the best helpers for finding proper (and improper) word spellings is the spell-checker tool in word processing programs, such as Microsoft Word. Work with this feature turned on regularly, and pay attention to which phrases, proper names, and other words are repeat offenders in your writing. (This will help you, too, with Pointer #1.)
3. If you're seriously committed to improving your spelling, you might want to work with a pro: Just as you can hire the services of a professional speech or writing coach, you can also work with a spelling coach. Many competitors in the National Spelling Bee contest have done so—with amazing results.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Why? I can't spell onomatopoeia: There are too many vowels that make too many different sounds, not to mention I frequently want to put a T in place of the N at the beginning (probably because I pronounce the word so quickly that I don't enunciate, thereby confusing even myself with what I'm really saying).
It's pretty easy to spell onomatopoeia—that is, to spell onomatopoeic words, like crunch, munch, whomp, and buzz. But what happens when you want to spell something harder? How do you look up a word if you don't know how to spell it—especially if, when you sound it out to try and spell it, you're sounding it out incorrectly? What then?
My dashboard dictionary was little help. I suspect my regular print dictionary would have yielded the same mystifying results. Luckily, many online dictionaries will auto-generate words with similar spellings to the one you're trying. I used my favorite standby, Merriam-Webster.com, and was kindly asked, "Did you mean ...?" to help me find the right word with the right spelling.
According to author and college instructor Dustin Wax, "a study of Fortune 500 human resource employees were published, saying that of the people they had interviewed, some 85% threw away a resume or cover letter that had as little as one or two spelling errors. The logic was, if you didn’t care enough about your application to make sure everything was spelled correctly, then you couldn’t be trusted to care enough about your job—where a tiny spelling error might undo an important business deal or cost the company money." Spelling counts!
To read Wax's helpful article—with links to other spelling resources—click here. And remember these pointers:
1. Making a list of words that commonly trip you up is helpful. Once you've identified these tricky terms, practice reading and writing them as often as possible—with the correct spelling!
2. One of the best helpers for finding proper (and improper) word spellings is the spell-checker tool in word processing programs, such as Microsoft Word. Work with this feature turned on regularly, and pay attention to which phrases, proper names, and other words are repeat offenders in your writing. (This will help you, too, with Pointer #1.)
3. If you're seriously committed to improving your spelling, you might want to work with a pro: Just as you can hire the services of a professional speech or writing coach, you can also work with a spelling coach. Many competitors in the National Spelling Bee contest have done so—with amazing results.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 17, 2009
WORD OF THE WEEK: Beautiful Noise
Recently, a friend and I listened to one of our favorite Neil Diamond songs: "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show." (If you don't know it, look it up!) The hand-clapping, foot-stomping, tambourine-shaking, choir-shouting backdrop to the lyrics is pure onomatopoetry—to coin a phrase.
Here's what I mean: It's a bunch of sound, and it's also poetically beautiful. I'm using the word with a bit of irony, since that's not the exact definition of onomatopoetic.
Want the real definition? Onomatopoeia (on-oh-MAH-toh-PEE-a) is the formation of a word from the sound it's named for or associated with, like cuckoo or boom. Other examples include bang, pop, snap, sizzle, whiz, crack, crackle, and pow. Feel like you're reading the action-packed climax of a graphic novel yet? Graphic novels and their forbears, comic books, are probably the heaviest users of onomatopoeia to convey action, as well as sound. The word, itself, comes from the Late Latin and Greek words for "to make" and "name."
A favorite song of mine from childhood that was full of such beautiful noise-words was called "Music Machine." Check out the lyrics to see what I mean. Or listen to a snippet from His&Hernandez Music. What's your favorite song? What's your favorite sound? And can you spell it?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Here's what I mean: It's a bunch of sound, and it's also poetically beautiful. I'm using the word with a bit of irony, since that's not the exact definition of onomatopoetic.
Want the real definition? Onomatopoeia (on-oh-MAH-toh-PEE-a) is the formation of a word from the sound it's named for or associated with, like cuckoo or boom. Other examples include bang, pop, snap, sizzle, whiz, crack, crackle, and pow. Feel like you're reading the action-packed climax of a graphic novel yet? Graphic novels and their forbears, comic books, are probably the heaviest users of onomatopoeia to convey action, as well as sound. The word, itself, comes from the Late Latin and Greek words for "to make" and "name."
A favorite song of mine from childhood that was full of such beautiful noise-words was called "Music Machine." Check out the lyrics to see what I mean. Or listen to a snippet from His&Hernandez Music. What's your favorite song? What's your favorite sound? And can you spell it?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 14, 2009
WEEKLY UPDATE: Everyday English
This afternoon, my husband I are headed to our local county fair. Talk about a celebration! But it's a different kind of celebration: Instead of dressing up in a special outfit and polishing up on five-dollar words, we'll be wearing our plain-ol' blue jeans and talking in the argot of the everyday. (Remember our recent discussion about colloquialisms?)
Being down-to-earth doesn't mean dumbing yourself down, however. There are plenty of public speaking opportunities at a county fair—from handing out blue ribbons to pie-makers and pumpkin-growers to emceeing horseback-riding competitions and pig races.
And then there are the individual conversations that are sure to come up as you run into friends, family, and neighbors. These are ideal opportunities to practice new vocabulary words that you've recently added to your personal lexicon. Putting new phrases into practice in everyday conversation gives you a chance to see the reaction others have to these phrases, and to see—in a safe environment—if the words or phrases pan out the way you expected. You may even be able to teach what you've learned to someone new! And teaching is a wonderful way to reinforce learning for yourself.
If you don't have a local fair (or farmer's market) where you can play with everyday language, try your local mall for a similar atmosphere. Interactions with cashiers and salespeople are great moments to try your confidence, no matter what speaking form you want to build.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Being down-to-earth doesn't mean dumbing yourself down, however. There are plenty of public speaking opportunities at a county fair—from handing out blue ribbons to pie-makers and pumpkin-growers to emceeing horseback-riding competitions and pig races.
And then there are the individual conversations that are sure to come up as you run into friends, family, and neighbors. These are ideal opportunities to practice new vocabulary words that you've recently added to your personal lexicon. Putting new phrases into practice in everyday conversation gives you a chance to see the reaction others have to these phrases, and to see—in a safe environment—if the words or phrases pan out the way you expected. You may even be able to teach what you've learned to someone new! And teaching is a wonderful way to reinforce learning for yourself.
If you don't have a local fair (or farmer's market) where you can play with everyday language, try your local mall for a similar atmosphere. Interactions with cashiers and salespeople are great moments to try your confidence, no matter what speaking form you want to build.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 12, 2009
TRULY SPEAKING: Here's to Your Growth!
Raise a glass and celebrate: It's time to toast!
Birthdays, weddings, and christenings are just a few of the formal functions where speeches may be expected of you. And if you mess up the toast, not everyone is forgiving! But the repercussions to the rest of your life are often limited—unlike work-related public blunders.
To see some hilarious toasts captured on video and posted on YouTube, click the link and search "hilarious toasts." You'll find both good and bad examples of public speechmaking.
If you've ever been even half as embarrassed as some of these folks who flubbed (or if you recognize yourself in a video!), you might want to consider getting some professional assistance before you tackle a toast again. And if you can't afford one-on-one coaching or can't make a regular commitment to a communications coach, you may best benefit from a less demanding group format.
Maybe you should try Toastmasters.
Toastmasters is where I started when I first realized I wanted to make a career change from behind-the-scenes corporate production work. Founded in 1924, Toastmasters is a non-profit international organization "helping people become more competent and comfortable in front of an audience" (according to its website). The group also purports that "most Toastmasters meetings are comprised of approximately 20 people who meet weekly for an hour or two. Participants practice and learn skills by filling a meeting role, ranging from giving a prepared speech or an impromptu one to serving as a timer, (speech) evaluator or grammarian." The grammarian's job is to note interesting words and phrases, as well as to count "ums," "ahs," and other filler words used by the speakers.
Having your speech evaluated—by fellow speaking students in a safe and friendly environment—can be an incredible boost not just to your self-esteem, but to the way you communicate in both personal and professional situations.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Birthdays, weddings, and christenings are just a few of the formal functions where speeches may be expected of you. And if you mess up the toast, not everyone is forgiving! But the repercussions to the rest of your life are often limited—unlike work-related public blunders.
To see some hilarious toasts captured on video and posted on YouTube, click the link and search "hilarious toasts." You'll find both good and bad examples of public speechmaking.
If you've ever been even half as embarrassed as some of these folks who flubbed (or if you recognize yourself in a video!), you might want to consider getting some professional assistance before you tackle a toast again. And if you can't afford one-on-one coaching or can't make a regular commitment to a communications coach, you may best benefit from a less demanding group format.
Maybe you should try Toastmasters.
Toastmasters is where I started when I first realized I wanted to make a career change from behind-the-scenes corporate production work. Founded in 1924, Toastmasters is a non-profit international organization "helping people become more competent and comfortable in front of an audience" (according to its website). The group also purports that "most Toastmasters meetings are comprised of approximately 20 people who meet weekly for an hour or two. Participants practice and learn skills by filling a meeting role, ranging from giving a prepared speech or an impromptu one to serving as a timer, (speech) evaluator or grammarian." The grammarian's job is to note interesting words and phrases, as well as to count "ums," "ahs," and other filler words used by the speakers.
Having your speech evaluated—by fellow speaking students in a safe and friendly environment—can be an incredible boost not just to your self-esteem, but to the way you communicate in both personal and professional situations.
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 10, 2009
WORD OF THE WEEK: Happy Birthday!
I guess this week's word is actually a phrase—and it's one you're likely very familiar with: Happy Birthday!
Today is my mother's birthday, and I'm blogging much later than I normally do, because I took the day off to spend with her. We had so much fun, traipsing around Indianapolis, visiting the downtown canal area and the Indiana State Museum. It was there that I got the inspiration for today's blog topic in the museum's international exhibit area.
Happy (pronounced HA-pee—with a short A sound as in cat) comes from the 14th century Middle English word hap, meaning fortunate, felicitous, glad, pleased, or friendly. Often, when used in combination, it can mean obsessed (as in "trigger-happy" or "sale-happy.")
Then there's birthday. This word originated from the same era and can literally mean the day of someone's (or sometimes some thing's) birth (the exact birthday of Google is debatable, though the company consistently celebrates in September); it can also mean—as it does for my mom today—the anniversary of that person, place or thing's birth or origination. It's pronounced BERTH-day. Click the pronunciation links to hear these words sounded out (in case you were born yesterday).
The birthday is universally celebrated, with few exceptions. In honor of that fact and today's international museum exhibit, here are some international birthday phrases. Can you guess which languages are being used below?
¡Feliz cumpleaños!
Joyeux anniversaire!
Buon compleanno!
For the answers—and many other international versions—go here. Happy birthday, Mom!
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Today is my mother's birthday, and I'm blogging much later than I normally do, because I took the day off to spend with her. We had so much fun, traipsing around Indianapolis, visiting the downtown canal area and the Indiana State Museum. It was there that I got the inspiration for today's blog topic in the museum's international exhibit area.
Happy (pronounced HA-pee—with a short A sound as in cat) comes from the 14th century Middle English word hap, meaning fortunate, felicitous, glad, pleased, or friendly. Often, when used in combination, it can mean obsessed (as in "trigger-happy" or "sale-happy.")
Then there's birthday. This word originated from the same era and can literally mean the day of someone's (or sometimes some thing's) birth (the exact birthday of Google is debatable, though the company consistently celebrates in September); it can also mean—as it does for my mom today—the anniversary of that person, place or thing's birth or origination. It's pronounced BERTH-day. Click the pronunciation links to hear these words sounded out (in case you were born yesterday).
The birthday is universally celebrated, with few exceptions. In honor of that fact and today's international museum exhibit, here are some international birthday phrases. Can you guess which languages are being used below?
¡Feliz cumpleaños!
Joyeux anniversaire!
Buon compleanno!
For the answers—and many other international versions—go here. Happy birthday, Mom!
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 7, 2009
WEEKLY UPDATE: Phonetically Correct
Well, I've been home from my east coast vacation for a full week now ... and I'm still settling in. All the travel was exciting, even if it was a little frenetic.
Frenetic: That rhymes with the word I really want to talk about today, phonetic. Many of you may already know that phonetics is the study of sounds and language. But how many of you study sounds, yourselves?
When we add new words to our vocabulary, it's common that we mispronounce them at first, especially if we've only read them in print and/or gleaned their meaning from usage in a book or an article. So, how do we correct this problem?
The list I linked to in Wednesday's post contains a variety of online dictionaries that sound out the word—either in print or via sound files, and sometimes using both.
One of last month's words of the week was credenza, a beautifully sounding noun with a dark and ominous history to its meaning. I told you about this history, but failed to help you pronounce the word in either its past or present form. (Bad Communications Coach!) Going forward, Beyond Talk will include a pronunciation key for each Monday's weekly word, i.e., foe-NEH-tick for phonetic; krah-DEN-za for credenza (and in Italian, originally, kray-DEN-zha). Better yet, there will be a link to an online dictionary each week that provides a sound file of the word's pronunciation, just to make things crystal clear.
Incidentally, my east coast tour sparked a conversation with my blogging colleague, Mary Beth Haggerty, an interior designer based in the Boston area. Click here to read her take on the word credenza—and see some lovely contemporary furniture photos, too!
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Frenetic: That rhymes with the word I really want to talk about today, phonetic. Many of you may already know that phonetics is the study of sounds and language. But how many of you study sounds, yourselves?
When we add new words to our vocabulary, it's common that we mispronounce them at first, especially if we've only read them in print and/or gleaned their meaning from usage in a book or an article. So, how do we correct this problem?
The list I linked to in Wednesday's post contains a variety of online dictionaries that sound out the word—either in print or via sound files, and sometimes using both.
One of last month's words of the week was credenza, a beautifully sounding noun with a dark and ominous history to its meaning. I told you about this history, but failed to help you pronounce the word in either its past or present form. (Bad Communications Coach!) Going forward, Beyond Talk will include a pronunciation key for each Monday's weekly word, i.e., foe-NEH-tick for phonetic; krah-DEN-za for credenza (and in Italian, originally, kray-DEN-zha). Better yet, there will be a link to an online dictionary each week that provides a sound file of the word's pronunciation, just to make things crystal clear.
Incidentally, my east coast tour sparked a conversation with my blogging colleague, Mary Beth Haggerty, an interior designer based in the Boston area. Click here to read her take on the word credenza—and see some lovely contemporary furniture photos, too!
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 5, 2009
TRULY SPEAKING: How to Improve Your Vocabulary
Vocabulary is a vital part of communication. That's not shocking news. But how exactly does one build one's vocabulary? Is it simply by subscribing to some of the word-of-the-day sites that can be found online? Well, that's one step. But it isn't necessarily a method in and of itself.
Subscribing to word-of-the-day lists or sites is a way of compiling new words, not actually learning them. Learning takes action on your part; once that subscription has been made, you can sit back and let the new words roll in—without taking any further action whatsoever. ... In other words, you can stop working.
But there's no gain without effort in anything in life. Stockpile new words as frequently as you like. (It's one of my favorite personal collections—and it's totally free, yet oh-so valuable!) Then take action.
How do you learn new words? The same way you learn anything new: practice. And just as someone who's been playing the cello for years continues to practice in order to improve, so must a communicator—at any level—continue practicing new words in context in order to improve his or her vocabulary. That's why the best word-of-the-day guides use their daily words in a sentence, so that you can learn context. Join my Facebook fan site today to practice each week's word from this blog. Share your experiences with these words to the rest of us: We could all use the practice!
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Subscribing to word-of-the-day lists or sites is a way of compiling new words, not actually learning them. Learning takes action on your part; once that subscription has been made, you can sit back and let the new words roll in—without taking any further action whatsoever. ... In other words, you can stop working.
But there's no gain without effort in anything in life. Stockpile new words as frequently as you like. (It's one of my favorite personal collections—and it's totally free, yet oh-so valuable!) Then take action.
How do you learn new words? The same way you learn anything new: practice. And just as someone who's been playing the cello for years continues to practice in order to improve, so must a communicator—at any level—continue practicing new words in context in order to improve his or her vocabulary. That's why the best word-of-the-day guides use their daily words in a sentence, so that you can learn context. Join my Facebook fan site today to practice each week's word from this blog. Share your experiences with these words to the rest of us: We could all use the practice!
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
Aug 3, 2009
WORD OF THE WEEK: Please Don't Be Prolix
Have you ever been accused of over-explaining yourself? If so, you may be a little prolix.
But have you ever tried to find the word over-explain in the dictionary? I have—and I discovered a little irony there, because it left me at a loss for words: The only online dictionary that readily linked me to overexplain (sans hyphen) was Wiktionary.com. And that was probably only because it's an open source, user-driven dictionary. Otherwise, you have to settle for synonyms if you want to link to the meaning of any variants of the word over-explanation.
One of those synonyms is prolix: From the Latin word prolixus for "fluid" and "forward," it entered the English language around the 15th century and means "tediously lengthy." Other synonyms include verbose, bombastic, and long-winded—a word which actually does breeze its way through most recognized dictionaries, online or otherwise.
Interestingly, prolix has two distinct pronunciations, either of which are correct: Both containing the long O sound (as in hope), the accent can be placed on the first syllable (PRO-lix) or the second (pro-LIX).
Have I said too much?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
But have you ever tried to find the word over-explain in the dictionary? I have—and I discovered a little irony there, because it left me at a loss for words: The only online dictionary that readily linked me to overexplain (sans hyphen) was Wiktionary.com. And that was probably only because it's an open source, user-driven dictionary. Otherwise, you have to settle for synonyms if you want to link to the meaning of any variants of the word over-explanation.
One of those synonyms is prolix: From the Latin word prolixus for "fluid" and "forward," it entered the English language around the 15th century and means "tediously lengthy." Other synonyms include verbose, bombastic, and long-winded—a word which actually does breeze its way through most recognized dictionaries, online or otherwise.
Interestingly, prolix has two distinct pronunciations, either of which are correct: Both containing the long O sound (as in hope), the accent can be placed on the first syllable (PRO-lix) or the second (pro-LIX).
Have I said too much?
© KiKi Productions, Inc. 2009
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